Saturday, May 14, 2005

This day (and week) has ended

Tonight finds me at my office late, it's been a long day.


This morning was clean up the church day, so people gathered and cleaned and raked and washed and it even smells nice now.


This afternoon Lauralea and I were at the city prayer gathering prepared by the Salvation Army. Lauralea had a hand in planning it and we wanted to support it. Afterwards we stopped in at the Bison Caf? to drink summer smoothies and check out their new exhibition on display.


Tonight we attended the last production of St. Mary's "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers," in which Johanna acted her last, as a highschool student. It was well done.


Thus I'm at the office late, trying to put into writing what I want to say tomorrow.


This week has been a fight for me. I know there are things God has for me to do, and I know there are depths he wishes to take me. Yet I find myself fighting him, saying "Later I'll do that," or "Let me do this first ok?" And it's not ok.


As I stated earlier this week, it's like He entered the room, and the room is messy. He points to this pile of stuff asking if it's necessary, and I quickly grab it holding on tight, while with my right foot I try to hide some stuff behind me.


It's all quite futile really because when God really enters the room you're in, you know it and you fall down and start repenting. It always happens that way. As soon as that part in you that is connected with God realizes his closeness, you become very small, almost ill.


And you start repenting. Saying sorry for trying it your way, for not going with his way.


That's really what's been going on in my space these days, a visitation of sorts. It sifts, He sifts, and you throw some stuff away. And suddenly you're freer, lighter than you've been for a while.


A part of what he was asking was about my motivation for randallfriesen.com. That's why I pulled the commenting section for a while, I really wasn't sure of my motivation for doing this stuff. If my motivation was to be popular or gain sympathy or respect, or to make people like me, then it's just about my ego, and the thing needs to die. (both my ego and the site!!)


I'm still not always sure of my motives, they can be tricky beggars. But I enjoy this writing, and I've come to love the friends I've made here. I've given it to God and he seems to be entrusting it to me, for now.


And I'm taking some steps in a few other areas of life to implement his desires for me. Trusting for it to go well.


And, as my mp3 player leads into Third Day singing Agnus Dei, I should end this for tonight. I have to be back here in a few hours.


Peace and God's blessings on you and yours tonight as you sleep, and tomorrow as you rise to meet the day

2 comments:

  1. "I'm still not always sure of my motives, they can be tricky beggars. But I enjoy this writing, and I've come to love the friends I've made here."



    That makes a lot of us then.



    I pray He will bless you in your openness and vulnerability.

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  2. The "motives" trick! I'm in there with you, friend. It mostly revolves around my ego and how God wants me to decrease while he increases. Sometimes I don't like to decrease (except in weight!) I want people to recognize me, accept me, love me, care about me and what I do. I have alot to learn...God help me.

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