Monday, January 30, 2006

September 1, 2028

Today the mail brought a notice from the organization that handles our covenant pension plan. In it they report on how the past year has progressed, and what the current value of my pension is.

They also include a date in the report. The date is the day of my formal retirement. In my case, the magic day is September 1, 2028.

Now, setting aside the whole concept of whether or not I even subscribe to the idea of retirement from a spiritual calling, the presentation of the date caused me to pause.

That date is about 23 years away, and while that might seem a great deal to you, it seems to be shrinking in size to me.

This year, 2006, marks the twentieth year we have been doing this work. 20 years of preaching and praying, of caring and calling. 20 years of working on the weekends and late night phone calls that never ever bode well. Twenty years.

And after 20 years it still feels temporary. Like I'll only be doing this gig for a while, then we'll get onto the things I was really made for.

It's hard to believe we've been at this for twenty years. It's harder still to think that we only have 23 years left at it.

I don't know if I'll be doing this for another 23 years. Hey, I don't know if I'll even be alive after 23 years. But I do know that it has shaped me into the person I am.

Sometimes I don't like that person. He's jaded and a bit too cut and dried. He's tired and impatient, and doesn't always have anything left for home, except grumpiness. He can also get to thinking he's the answer to many of life's problems for many people. But he isn't. He tells people the Good News, but he also has to tell them the bad news, usually in the middle of the night, at their door.

And sometimes I like that person. He gets to hang out with people and amazing books. He has to look after his relationship with God, because if he doesn't, he will lead people down garden paths. He's able to be available and just by listening to another soul, they feel freer, encouraged. He gets the inside view on so many miracles God does day by day. And he gets tapped on the shoulder occasionally by God, who tells him to be praying for someone. Then later on in the week he gets to tell the individual that God has had him praying for them, and how is it going.

There are days I wish and pray I could stop doing this. Then there are days I am so glad I get the chance to do this.

That's just how it is I guess.

But I do wonder what the next 23 years will look like.
My prayer is that I can continue to become a person I like and respect.
Kind of more like Jesus as I age.

That's a prayer I'm trust God with.

Nite.

2 comments:

  1. Got my pension plan statement today as well! I've got 13 years to go. I'm like you, this pastoring thing is great and gruesome -- some days all at the same time. And I wouldn't trade it for anything (OK, some days . . .)

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  2. Just an observation of course, but I see you just getting going.....so hang on and stay yoked......and thanks so much, Randall, for being such an integral part of my walk with Christ.

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