The Yoke's on me

You know, Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."

As part of the service I participated in while I was in Minneapolis, I received a Stole. It's meant to remind me that it's Christ's yoke that I am to be carrying, rather than trying to carry burdens that I was never meant to carry.

So coming home last weekend was interesting.

I had been travelling in wide open spaces for days. The sky was big and open, physically and spiritually, and I felt a freedom and release that I hadn't felt for such a long time.

I remember last summer, dragging my butt into summer holidays, aware that I was in burnout trouble. But this trip made me realize how differently I felt this summer. I really felt lighter, and God seemed close, and so clear.

When I got home I began to see things again, probably as I saw them before I left on the trip.

I saw the repairs we need to make on the house, and felt the weight of not having the cash to do them.
I felt the weight of wanting to give the kids some of the things they need to see from me, yet being unable to offer them.
Family vacation, tired, broken van, yard work demands.......

I kinda freaked a bit on Lauralea. The best way to describe it was that it all felt like it was closing in on me. That life was suddenly tight and ill fitting, and heavy.

I went to church the next day and experienced a similar feel. I saw all the situations that needed attention. The structure, the budget, the direction and goals. Listless worship, overlooking the stranger, some unconcerned hearts.

It felt heavy and tight too, like a dead weight was hanging on to me as I tried to move along.

Now, I have known for a while that I tend to carry too much of the things of life. I have been warned about this for some time, and I have prayed about it, studied it, received counselling on it. But it's always been difficult to see what I should carry and what I should leave alone.

Till this week.

I've been processing this bit of realization all week. I am surprised by the weight of the things that I carry around. They have taken my joy and my life. They have made me to live beneath dark heavy skies, and a self-imposed heaviness. Turns out I may even be a worrier!!

This carrying around of these worries and concerns actually positions me as my own god. That I am responsible to see life change for the needs around me. Yikes, that's one slippery slope there.

Now, I do know I'm not to live beneath this stuff. And I realise that the yoke of Christ and his burden are far easier to carry than the many things I try to carry around. But these truths became very clear to me this week. So I began to offload them, or perhaps I should say upload them.

I began to ask his input into things, asking Him to take control for some of these needs that I cannot carry around any longer. And it was freeing, again.

"God, I can't seem to do anything about _________________________. What can you do about it?"

And the answers have begun to trickle in, bit by bit, prayer by prayer.

I know I had issues, but I never realized I should join a group and stand up and say "Hello, my name is Randall and I'm a worrier."

And I know as sure as I write this that I'm not out of the woods yet. But I am grateful that He has me on a path that leads to freedom and a life of deep joy and contentment.

I used to know this path much better, and I'm not sure where I got distracted, but for today I'm glad that my vision is a little clearer, and the load a little lighter.