Tuesday, April 26, 2022


Well, it's our turn I guess.

Covid finally showed up at our house, with Lauralea a day ahead of me.

It has really kicked us in the pants. It’s been a tough 10 days. 

At first it felt like a really bad flu, but the weakness and tiredness just lingers on and on. And just when you think you’re past it and maybe you are back, it hits again and you go back to bed.


Our turn

Thursday, April 14, 2022

It's hard but its good too

I take a few moments to stumble into the past of this blog of mine and I realize that through the years of life there have been times of great strength and times of weakness. I often remember the times of weakness, not so much the times of strength.

I am in a weak place right now. 

I find myself struggling with hopelessness, feeling worthless, and pessimistic. I am becoming forgetful, not able to manage much on my plate, I have difficulty concentrating, remembering, and making decisions. 

The part that effects Lauralea is my feeling bothered, or annoyed, or angry. The mood changes, anger, aggressiveness and irritability. The part I hate is the loss of interest in things I once enjoyed, and this overarching sadness that never goes away.

So I am trying to own what the Doctor told me two weeks ago. Severe clinical depression.

Interesting how I fight that. But how glad am I that I am not going crazy or aging out of life. 

There are good reasons for this as the doctor told me. And we will take steps to get healthy again. But it's not a quick fix. I am doing all the right things, seeing my Doctor, and meeting with my therapist and spiritual director etc. etc.

The good doctor asked me if my faith in God had suffered through this time and I told him that to the contrary I had found that to be a source of strength and hope in my life, which he was pleased about.

I know that many others are experiencing this same thing in these times. It is difficult and all consuming. I get it. 

For me it's the action of a caring God that I see daily. It is not that He has taken this away from me, but He sure is blessing the small limited things I have to offer this community. I told Lauralea yesterday that in this time of feeling so unable and broken, there is such amazing work going on here that God is doing.

It's hard, but it's good too. 

A day of tests.

Wednesday, April 06, 2022

Growing up

More and more rare on the prairies
The town where my grandparents lived.

These days have made me reflect a good deal on my roots and how my relatives faced challenges in life. I think I am looking for ways to age well.

Certainly my experience as a child seeing them in life, were with the eyes of a child. I was blissfully unaware of more adult experiences of truth in their lives. So I don't have that, mostly for the good I believe. Still it leaves me grasping for how to age well. 

I had a realization a while back that one of the persons in the bible I could identify with deeply was the young man Timothy. He seemed about my age and experience level. He seemed to have some insecurities that I could identify with, which was also a comfort to me in ministry. And so as I moved into this life, he was my hero, my good example.

Lately I realized that I have still considered him in that same place where he's been all my life. As my example and hero as a young man pastor. 

Then something happened to me, someone identified me as a Paul in their life, and really that just sort of stunned me. It caused me to realize that I'm not that young man pastor any longer. I'm not still back there with the insecurities and fears of a young pastor failing at the work.  

Here I am still identifying as a Timothy when I should or could identify more as a Paul. It might seem like a nothing deal to you, but for me it has been so completely a shift in my thoughts. It's a better fit, as Paul has faced so many of the things I have faced. And his example and words have more and more been a good help to me.

So at least I am growing but dang how long did that take? How long was my self perception off a bit? I wonder if there are other areas I need to "Grow up" in.

But as I say, at least I'm growing up.

Monday, March 14, 2022

Eight Years Ago Now

This photo turned up in my social media feed from eight years ago.
We had to move quickly between and around buildings because of the fighting in Bethlehem. The tear gas was thick and burned. We were moving quickly down a street and an Arab shop owner pulled us into his shop. 
He and his sons got us something to drink and gave us the cure for the tear gas, smelling cut onions. (It works) Then we hid out in his shop for a while till things calmed down outside. 

We wanted to get some things because he had cared for us so well. He got out some of his products and before I could communicate my discomfort, he was dressing me in this Bedouin garb. I did the face because the other guys were taking pictures. We laughed pretty good, but it's a memory I will always cherish, of this caring Arab man and his sons and their shop in Bethlehem.

Sunday, March 13, 2022

Salad with my lunch

Along the lines of everyone needs to see what I eat as per instagram, here is my lunch from yesterdays meetings photographed in all its vegetable glory.

Friday, March 11, 2022

Friday Update

This week was kind of one of those miracle weeks where there was much to be done and not enough time to do it all in. I am pleased to report that I am more and more comfortable with this given that God continues to take the wheel and does the miracles needed to see the day/week come to a close, completed.


Tomorrow we the church leadership are out to the camp for the day to talk and plan and pray for the days ahead. Of course it's suppose to snow, again. Hopefully the roads won't be too bad.

And I think everything is ready for Sunday as well. (Again, see above miracle.)

If you want to come and join us here at Malmo in the Field, find the map at malmochurch.ca 

You can also find the link there for the livestream, starting at 10:30 mountain time. Oh and that's right, there is a time change this Saturday night. Spring, is it spring ahead? I think so. Anyway Google says we lose an hour of sleep. Great.

Have a good weekend you all.

Last weekend was the Saskatchewan Telemiracle still going strong. They raised 8 million for the people of Sask. Way to go Saskatchewan.

Wednesday, March 09, 2022

The Land

It think I mentioned it in my daily prayers video the other day, this connection with the land that I feel somewhere deep inside. It comes out when I drive across the prairies and it shows itself strong when I am standing at an open grave on a cold overcast winters day. 

My family came to this prairie place in 1875 and were put into reserves. They were farmers and school teachers, and pastors it seems. But they made their way in rural settings, always living close to the land.  I feel a connection with them when I think of the prairies and whenever we have some bad weather days.

But I have been learning more with those who were here before then. The First Nations, natives, had such a strong connection with the land. It fed them and cared for them long before the Europeans ever came. They created treaty's with the growing numbers of people of Europeans, to help keep some of that connection with the land and to figure out how to live together in the blessed spaces. It's not all a clean history that is certain, and there is much to own in our history. But that sense of connection to the land is a shared value. 

It seems even more real these days when I remember that in 1875 there was no more room for many families, including mine, in the Southeastern part of Ukraine where they came from over a hundred and forty seven years ago.

Anyway, all this has been stirring in me more with these passing years. 

I realize that all our kids are blessed enough to own land on the prairies. When I see pictures of Johanna and Nate's little farm there in Saskatchewan and the seasons change, it stirs in me. It is raw and not built up. People have been walking or riding over that land for hundreds and thousands of years, and thats just a cool thing.

The history on these prairies goes way back. The arrowhead I have from this land reminds me that this was here a long time before me and will be here a long time after. That is if we don't blow it all up or God calls a break.

Just owning some of my feelings I guess.

Carry on.