I Was Made To Be

I was made to “be”
And out of my being, I do

My doing comes from my being.
It’s when I get that reversed, when my being comes out of my doing, that I get in trouble.

And it takes me a while to return to my be-ing.
And then life is balanced correctly again.

Because I was made to be.

Silence over Sound

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

In the quiet is the place I find healing, and hope. Strength and resolve.
Yet I don’t find it easy to go to the quiet places.

I crave noise.
Maybe it distracts my mind. Maybe it allows me to not engage with my spirit, yet it engages my mind.

I have a strong mind and it always calls for noise. It engages my attention, so that my attention can go no other place.

Silence over sound. Solitude over silence.
This is the way forward, for me.

Tears have been my food

I am not myself these days.  
Feels like I have trouble finding my footing every morning when I get up out of bed. Finding my equilibrium, my balance, more emotionally than physically but it's all in play. 

Psalm 42 describes my days so very well.

1 As the deer longs for streams of water, 

    so I long for you, O God.
2 I thirst for God, the living God.
    When can I go and stand before him?

3 Day and night I have only tears for food,
    while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
    “Where is this God of yours?”

4 My heart is breaking
    as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
    leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
    amid the sound of a great celebration!

5 Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and 6 my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,
    but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
    from the land of Mount Mizar.
7 I hear the tumult of the raging seas
    as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.

8 But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
    and through each night I sing his songs,
    praying to God who gives me life.

For the choir director: A psalm of the descendants of Korah.

Love unpacked

My calling to a lifetime of ministry has always been very clear and strong in my life. It came with clarity after a summer of ministry in churches and camps, working with people, learning from God. It was right after that and before my third year of college, when He started talking with me about answering a call he had on my life.

The truth was that I was willing to work for Him, full steam. But I didn’t want it to be in Pastoral ministry. Many of my pastors during my teen years were more about their own kingdoms, than Gods. A number of them brought division to the church.

And honestly, I didn’t understand pastors who were about keeping the big wheels turning, more than they were about the people. Pastors who wanted to protect old church systems and old rules, who seemed to care little about people, and Gods church.

Yes I was naïve what with me telling God what I would and wouldn’t do for him. But he was patient with me. I mean, look at me now having completed 39 years in local church pastoral ministry.

Anyway, this morning we were walking and talking. You might call it praying. I was reflecting on the unique pastoral ministry opportunities He’s led us in. Lay pastoral ministry in a large bilingual language and cultural church in southern Ontario. Starting a new church in South Winnipeg. Helping heal a broken church in Saskatchewan. And ending up in a rural country church in a field in Alberta.

He showed me how, over the years He has kept me from pastoral work that was all about systems, structures and keeping big wheels turning. The exact things I never wanted to be involved with. The clarity struck me with such care.

Many times I have wondered why God led me to the churches I have served and not others I thought I might prefer. I expect there are many reasons most of which I won’t know until I see Him face to face. But this morning he did show me something amazing. That none of the churches I’ve pastored have forced me to change my values. I’ve never had to give up my principles of people over systems and structures.

When we demand that the rules of the church become more important than the people who make up The Church, it has become religion. And I’ve never wanted to spend my life propagating religion.