Monday, June 12, 2006

Nearing the Destination

Yesterday morning my internal bladder alarm clock woke me at 6:10 am, and I"m proud to say I was up and in the car driving home by 6:30am. (Hey, it"s a guy thing...)

It was a tricky morning, driving through the rain and cold and keeping my eyes open. But I pulled into Saskatoon by 12:20 and headed over to my folks to hang out with them a while.

I notice dad is getting more and more sick, with each visit. I know parts of him are getting ready to go, he just doesn"t know the date of the journey yet. But it will become clearer as the days progress.

I am glad he is still able to be at home, and I hope the oxygen he is on will sustain him for a long while yet, but one day he will have to go to the hospital and then the final leg of the journey will be at hand.

I don"t know that I am walking through these days of farewell in a good way. I mean I really don"t know how to do this. As a son I feel I"m missing it, as a father I feel like I"m not able to help my kids through these things either.

Then I realize that there"s just Randy grieving over the loss of a Dad, A dad who"s going away for a time, who I"ll see again, but who I must say good bye to for now.

And the Reverend part of me sees the stages of grief at work within me, like anger and sadness, deal makin, depression and acceptance. And I know what is happening in me.

But I"m still just a boy trying to learn to say goodbye to his dad.

I know he reads this space, so I try to keep it not so personal, but these are the things I"m struggling through these days.


May God grant us a closeness and awareness of his very presence these days. For we know that the destination is sweet and good. It is only the journey that is sometimes long and difficult.


May God be with us.
Please.


5 comments:

  1. Seems like a lot of folks I know are struggling through their time here these days. A few of these have gone on to a better place but some continue on in the battle between not wanting to leave loved ones here and knowing the next place is a whole lot sweeter. Death of loved ones. It ties us in knots and hopefully, keeps us on our knees. Praying for you Randall and your dear dad.

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  2. Well... what can you say, besides... you're all in our prayers as you walk through this.

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  3. (That's a "Yep" to what Dixie said.)

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