Thursday, March 04, 2021

That's where I've been anyway.


Actually, that's a glimpse of a sunset, but you get my drift.

It's been really very dark around here for a while. I've been mostly keeping my head above the water, coping, trying to manage the details of life. But it hasn't been easy at all.

The new pressures of the work, the expectations and demands. And the dramatic decrease in the patience of people. The insistence by some to prop up a version of church that really is an empty shell. Is it for appearances sake? Or is it because that is all they know church to look like? The grace we used to offer one another has largely disappeared between some.

Then there are my own insecurities. My own fears and hurts, my own pain. The losses we've experienced ourselves in the past year of Covid. They are all there because I am who I am.

About a week ago out of left field it all came to a head, and its been darker than dark. Like dark dark. Since then its been one day is ok and the next isn't. This half of the day I can focus and the next I can't. It's been pretty bad.

I have been taking good steps though, to find the way through. Walking as I can when the physical pain is too much. Catching up on sleep, and eating again, mostly, (but don't ask herself.)  I've been seeing my Counsellor and sharing with others in my line of work who care and speak truth into my darkness.  I've got people who know how to pray praying for me, for us. I've got people I can be brutally honest with, thank God. There have been friends checking up on me and I've got Lauralea who's been in it all along with me.

I have been managing until last week and now looking back I can see that I have been limping a long, long  time. 

Today is a good day and the sun is up and the sky is blue. I don't know what tomorrow will hold but I'll just try to be present to this day now.

That's where I've been anyway.


  1. Sigh.....praying along with you for the darkness to lift and for new life.

  2. Thank you Susan, I sure appreciate it. It's needed.


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