Of Goodness and shadows

It's been quieter in this place than it has been in recent months. That's ok, I'm thinking. And praying alot. I can't think and walk at the same time you know.

I've been thinking about the journey I'm on.

About being a good dad and husband, a son and brother and friend. If I were honest, most of the time I don't feel like I do a awesome job at any of those things.

Then I add a busy week like this one has been and I haven't been a particularly great pastor. At least In terms of the things I wanted to accomplish this week.

Still the tap tap tap on my brain, where am I going...

There is a small mustard seed sized realization in myself that God, who calls himself "Good" is indeed that, "Good."

It follows (for me of the simple mind) then, that, to be near to God as much as possible has a good effect on a person.

That right there is the tension I feel. A hunger to be near him, while it's not always an easy thing, to be near him.

The hunger is a hunger for God, for his sweet presence, for an increase of his goodness, changing who and what I am.

(I've talked of it before, certainly. So if you're tired of hearing about it, that's cool, move along, nothing to see here...)


I am amazed how easily I at least, tend to move towards gimmicks or worship tricks, rather than doing the deep work of walking in the anointing God has given me.

I've been moving back into that much more lately, reminded of my Grandfathers life, and what he sacrificed on a daily basis, just to continue to live in God's presence.

I find that the presence of God is sweeter, more real for the people who gather to worship, if I spend more time in His presence before we meet. Again, the anointing. That's the only word I have for it.

I suspect it's that holy presence of God that most people want to connect with, even if they don't realize it. I wonder if that isn't what "Postmoderns" are looking for. The faith of the Moderns has a form of Godliness, but it is devoid of real power.

Again, being near him, so that there is more of him in more of me. Thus it becomes Him caring for the people.

I have observed that in times of my life that the Holy Spirit comes and overwhelms me, there is usually an immediate change or effect. However, his presence doesn't just remain at that level, it tends to, to decrease over time. I suppose that's why Paul reminds me to continue to be filled with the spirit.

There is something about human nature that thinks, "Wow, I just had a holy moment with God. I will never be the same again!!"

Indeed, life never will be the same again. We will have the gifts and fruit deposited in us that remind us of the holy time. But I find I still need to keep up the connection, rather than live my life remembering the time God met with me.

I'm starting to ramble.

I guess it's very easy to start with God, and move into my own strength and abilities. Lean on my own understanding.

I do know this, like Muller, when I had less money I sure as heck hung onto God a lot more for help and provision, then I do when I have more.

So too, when I have the abilities to lead and care for the people, I tend to rely on God less and less. The stick in the spokes is me relying on my abilities to see eternal fruit happen. Thus God is removed from the equation except as an object of worship.

I want to see more of the fruit of the Holy One in our lives. You know, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

And the life of a pastor, a shepherd, is about leading the people into God's good presence, and getting out of his way. Over and over again.


A professor used to remind me of how the faithful women and men used to speak of seasons of time with God, which would see an increase in the anointing or presence of God around them. This would effect the people they came in contact with. Like Moses who had to wear a veil when he came away from Gods presence. Or Like the early disciples who had people jumping in their shadows to get healed.

He used to ask me; "Anybody been jumpin in your shadow recently Friesen?"

Anybody indeed.