A Prayer At Seeding Time

Father, we are a church planted in a field.
And though our own fields may be in different places
we are still, in many ways, people connected to the land.

For our food and sustenance, for our daily bread, we give you thanks.
For the strength to work in our fields of service, we give you thanks.
For this place, a gathering place in a field with roots that go down over a hundred years,
we thank you Lord for those who have worked here, before us.

Now oh Lord, we ask that you would again, bless the land.
Bless the seeds and the earth.
Bless the skies and the sun and the rain.
Bless the workers with safety and the wisdom to know,
when enough is enough.
Oh Lord, bless this season.

It is good for us to stop and to remember and to say it out loud,
that our life comes from you Lord, and not from our fields.

So thank you Father, for whatever you’ll do with the work that we’ve done.
We know that without your blessing, we will struggle.
And without seasons of drought, we forget to pray.

So we’ll take what you give, just as you give it,
for you are our father and you only give good gifts.
Though we tremble a bit, because we want what we want,
We choose to entrust this year to you, because of your great love for us.
And so we ask for the Blessing.

Father, Bless this year
Amen


R.F.

It’s just me

This week I am alone in the field. Lauralea is off to Winnipeg to hang out with our daughter and her twin sons, so I am holding down the fort.

And it’s good.

It’s me out here and it’s the Lord. Other people may come and go but this week it’s just the two of us. And I’m enjoying it. 

We hang out we share life together. I tell him things and he shows me things. And it’s quite lovely.

I’ve taken the last couple of days for fasting. And when I do that, I always am closer to him, and his voice gets clearer, without interruption. And so we walk and we talk first thing in the morning, maybe a bit in the afternoon, and then in the evening before bed. He and I just walk and talk.

I will usually fit a nap or two in throughout the day, because when I’m not eating, I get tired quickly. 

This week is busy already, and I will be glad for the time I had with him at the beginning. There are many needs out there, people looking for a way forward. My point is always that they can have a life, with God, and it’s all the life they could ever handle or want to handle. And as Jesus did we respect their pain and the fact that we are all just humans struggling towards eternity. But yes, there will be plenty of opportunity to do that this week.

The farmers look like they’re just about all done with harvest, amazingly. And just as if it was perfectly timed, some rain starts to fall tonight. It hasn’t rained in over a month, and it’s taken a good month of beautiful days to get the harvest off.  As I say, it’s amazing how that works. 

Anyway, tonight I might treat myself to Sunday Night Football.

You take care of one another out there.

Gratitude for this field

Earlier today, I was doing my prayer walk around the yard here in this field. And again, I found myself overcome by the quiet beauty of the place.

It’s very hot this week, but in the shade and with a bit of breeze blowing, it’s quite lovely. So I tried to keep my walk in the shade of the trees and the buildings.

And in this place, I find it easy to pray. I find it inviting to open my heart with God and to converse with him on light topics and some very deep topics as well.

But it’s just deeply enjoyable to spend time with him outside this summer.

And again, I realized how grateful I am that he brought us to this field, and how this place has become food for my soul.

Somewhere along the past 17 years, I’ve changed from being a city boy with all the activities and action, with all the coffeeshops and pizza places, with newspapers and instant sorts of necessities like that. To be a country boy who is pleased with the quiet and the slower pace.

The boy who is good with walking with the father in the cool of the day. To look at the beauty of God’s creation and to be better in my spirit because of it.

This place is good medicine for my soul and God always knew that would be the case.

And so as it has been the case all this summer, my love for the place is renewed. My spirit finds rest and comfort and healing. My soul finds space for creativity and life and my body can stretch out in different directions and just enjoy all that we have here in this place.

And it’s not hard to see how the world has changed and darkened and become so much less than over the past 18 years. It’s not hard to see that at all. And when I see it, again I am glad for this place of peace.

God does good by me here in this field and I am so grateful.

Once Upon a Sunday Morning

Today was Sunday and I was up and ready for activity early in the morning. I got dressed and started to head over into the brisk temperatures.

Honestly, I was a little bit surprised at just how beautiful the weather was this morning. So I took a walk down to the cemetery and through the backyard area where we are working the ground to get it ready for winter. 

And as I do, while I walk, I pray.

Couldn’t get over the fact that there was no snow yet and this is past mid November. Nor was it in the minus temperatures this morning. Some November mornings can be in the -20s and -30s Celsius. So there was no complaints coming from my lips today.

The sun was coming up and it was looking glorious, burning off the frost and the fog off the ground. So I dawdled and took my time. 

I would have to say that this year my understanding of God and my time with him has certainly been growing.  Even at this ripe old age of 61, #eyeroll it feels like I’m just starting to understand some of God‘s love for me, and for us as his children. My encounters with Jesus have been enjoyable and I would say more like fun than anything else. There is a growing familiarity there that allows me to relax into his presence. Yet still, there is a sense that when it’s time to work, we get to work.  

I am loving our times together and our conversations.  It’s worth every moment I get to spend with him.

Anyway, my time was done and I had to go inside where the kids were already practicing some songs for the upcoming advent season. I guess that’s next up on the calendar.

Labor Day House Cleaning Brings Autumn

This week, on Labor Day exactly, I decided to wash the front of the house. The front of the house faces north and it can get pretty dingy and mildewy and covered with bugs, flies, spiders and spider webs and moths, a whole assortment of dead animals clings to the house. And so this week I decided to clean it.

Unfortunately, the day I decided to clean it was 31 degrees. I didn't think too far in advance, but really it was my only day off in which to do this. So I went at it pretty hardcore for quite a while. And of course I ran out of gas pretty soon. Took a break and then I continued on slowly. I finally got it done and I've been paying the price for it ever since.

The weather this late summer and already beginning into September has been surprising. There have already this summer been more plus 30 Celsius days than I can ever remember in one stretch living here in the past 16 years. And today was a little bit cooler I think about 20 degrees Celsius. But the forecast is for more heat. Into the 30s again this weekend. As I say, I'm not sure what's going on, but man it's been hot during the day times.

There are a few more chores I need to do around the house before the leaves fly. And of course it's time for Lauralea's and my yearly vacation to go visit the kids. So that will be happening as well, but it does feel like summer has broken now. Any plus 30 days we have are just the dog days of summer kicking and trying not to give up too quickly. No, it already feels like we're moving into autumn.

The guys are harvesting the crops. The leaves are starting to turn colour. The geese are starting to fly overhead. And so it comes.

And that's the news that's fit to print from this field today.

Update

I know it's been a while since I posted anything on this blog. You might be wondering what I've been up to, or maybe you don't care at all. Either way, I feel like I owe you an explanation for my silence. I don't feel like I want to be done here and there are still things to say.

The struggle with depression really has diminished a good deal for me and I am grateful for that. I feel more myself and there is a lightness for me and I am starting to feel like my old old self. Yay.

The summer was good for me. I've been going through a deeper spiritual shifting as I have been looking at turning 60. So, much of the summer was spent in conversations with God. And they were conversations more than just monologues. There was hope there and faith as the Spirit and I conversed.  So things are shifting. Inside of me and in our lives as well. They are shifting at God's direction, so we will see how autumn unfolds. I am excited.

Hillary and her three guys are coming for Christmas, which is exciting too. I am already looking froward to that. Those twins are growing up so quickly. 

Oh and I am doing the Daily Prayers again and enjoying that too. It energizes me to spend some time in study and then in prayer with people who are out there. The numbers are humble, anywhere from 5 to 20s viewers a day. But that activity is good for me too. It was one of the things God and I talked about this summer, and so I have a strong sense that its his thing and the numbers are his worry. So I am learning things still about service. You can see it at thefieldpastor.com.

Maybe as the snow tries to fall and settle on these cold fields, here's a good poem to end with.

Winter Fields

I love old winter fields-they seem to hold

A sort of kinship to the wind and cold—

The frozen furrows clogged with sodden leaves,

The stubble with a few thin scattered sheaves,

A plow up-tilted . . with a broken share

(They just unhitched and left it sitting there).

A few old twisted trees that sort of lean

Down the steep edges of a small ravine,

A few thin cattle waiting to be fed,

Humped in the shelter of a broken shed;

A rim of frost along the water's edge,

Old nests revealed behind a tangled hedge.

There is a strange affinity between

Our homesick souls and fields of budding green;

Something within us answers to the sound

Of new life bursting through the quiet ground.

And yet a frozen field where Winter dwells

Sings in my heart like muted temple-bells.

Night.

   

Living Life

The medical system has come to be a big part of my life these years. The meds I take allow me to eat and allow me to pee. They diminish the size of stones my kidneys make and they diminish the amount of acid my body produces so that gout pain doesn’t come around as often. 

Then there are pills to help with my diminished enzyme amounts which was what my dad struggled with until he passed away. His lungs and liver stopped working.

Then over all these things or maybe as a result of these chronic things, there are some meds I take to help with my mental health.

Without the medical system I’d expect to be dead already a couple of times over. 

The quality of life that is mine because of these interventions is remarkable. Miraculous even. At least I count them so.

It’s easy for me to act like everything is good most of the time. But when there are hickups and I end up at the Doctors office, I remember how good my life is. 

Thanks to modern science and a God who loves me.  

😊

Church Meeting Done

In my years as a full time, 35 years now, the annual meeting of the church has always been a big deal. And many of those meetings I have been fearful about beforehand. 

But not today. Today was our annual meeting at Malmo and I actually have been looking forward to it. 

Turn it up to be a longer one, 4 1/2 hours, but we also did some visioning, and some work to help us plot a path for the road forward. I was surprised at the general optimistic spirit of the crowd. Probably more optimistic than I am, but that could be other things at work too. 

No, the spirit of the meeting was so lovely and so good. And really when everyone is on the same page, trying to listen to the same spirit, well it can be amazing and wonderful.  

It's always been my sense that the church business meetings should always be in the same spirit as Sunday mornings are. Because if they are not, there is a disconnect in our faith and how we work out our faith.  And some in the churches I've served in the past have been very disagreeable to that opinion. 

But if a person or a church can't be the same on the outside as it is on the inside… well, God help them. 

God help us all. 

:) 

Night.

About Community… Or what I learned at Midwinter this year

Midwinter is a gathering of the pastors and the church leaders of our church the Evangelical Covenant Church.  During the week of midwinter, we bring in amazing speakers. We bring in wonderful teachers. The worship music and the worship leaders are second to none in the world I would say.

The separate workshops or classes are places where we can learn real helpful ways to serve the body of Christ, and to grow in Christ Jesus himself.

And so this week I was exposed to some stunning teaching, some passionate preaching, and some insightful, life-changing or ministry changing sorts of approaches. All of which I received and was deeply encouraged by. 

But what was the best thing for me all week?  It was the conversations and reconnections I had with other pastors who I’ve grown to know over these years.

Moments where we get to share with each other how we are really doing. Moments where we encourage one another in the work that we are doing, in our struggles, and in our lonelinesses.  To listen to one another’s hurts. To check on those we know have been hurting and struggling.  To be able to hear with excitement, the possibilities of future ministry. And to pray together for those brothers and sisters. For me, those are the highlights I bring home. Because those are the moments that touched me the deepest. Probably because they’ve trusted me with their hearts, and so have I with them.

It is always a holy thing when you deal with another person’s heart. And even if they don’t trust you enough yet with their heart, there are holy things you can do to care for their hearts. Things like listening to them. Things like checking on them. Things like praying for them.  Simple yet holy gifts we can offer one another. And by doing that we live out the scriptures;  "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

These are the ways in which we fulfill the law of Christ. And these ways reach deep into our hearts. 

The week before mid winter, I arrived in Jacksonville, Florida, for my week of Board of Ordered Ministry meetings. This is one of the two main boards of the denomination that makes decisions that will affect the direction of the denomination for years to come.  It is our work to walk with people. 

Our denomination holds the credentials of every new pastor who is ordained, or who comes to our denomination.  So it is our work on this board to help pastors and spiritual leaders grow and develop in their calling and in Christ.  There is a sense of responsibility we carry for this group of faithful individuals and we work hard at that. There are 1750 total active clergy who we serve.

With that many people who we are responsible for, at any given moment there are many who are in crisis and trouble, and there are those who have made decisions that would break their vows and even worse, their relationship with God. When that happens, we take them into our care to work to help them regain their own personal spiritual health.  Possibly, if it is fitting, to regain their spiritual ministry.

They come under suspension for care and support and help.  I am so proud that we as a church are ready to spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on them and their families to help them get healthy again.

Of course, not all appreciate this level of care, and so that can mean interviews that are very tense, and can be emotionally and spiritually brutal.  And so the work can be challenging.

But this is my fifth and last year on this board doing this work, and I was reflecting on that at this meeting.  I will not miss the difficult meetings, the broken humans, the tension.  I will not miss the loss of respect for those I might’ve once deeply revered.  I will not miss the tears and anguish we have shed over sisters or brothers, who won’t return to health.  But it is hard and holy work. 

But… I will absolutely and completely miss the quality of the men and women I get to serve on this board with.  I will miss the community we have developed and the care that we exhibit towards one another. I will miss the caring I receive even after I am home from individuals on the board who have checked in with me about how my health is doing. I will miss this community of faith.

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

This is no work that one individual could do effectively. We work together and there is strength in our common unity in Christ.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - Hebrews 10:24-25

I believe it is good work that we do and the more I have invested in this community, the more I have been blessed.  And so here is another community of people that I have found great value and love being among.   God has blessed me more than I will ever be able to say through this community of faithful servants.

————

And finally, I learned…

That Florida can be beautiful in the middle of winter.  And that walking along the shore in the late evening with warm breezes on my bare arms,   (and yes, I do like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain)  Is such an amazingly delightful gift. 

But it’s not as amazing as being home.  Home is where my core community resides. My wife, Family, my friends, my community of faith.  It turns out that community trumps sandy beaches in January.  That is a bit surprising I must admit.

You know, Covid was hard on us, and we learned some new ways to live alone. But the mental health challenges have come a good deal from being alone.  And we have learned how to enjoy being introverted. But there is something of community that is lost in such an environment as well. 

"For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." - Romans 12:4-5

Community is another of the gifts from our God, who knows us, who created us, and who loves us.  We are connected and dependent on one another, for life. And so the lessons to me these days are the lessons about community. Especially faith communities. 

Belonging to a street community or belonging to a choir community or belonging in a work community are all good communities, and bring something to us. They bring to us the sense of belonging. Of been known.  The community of the body of Christ also brings to us care, and love. It brings to us a sense of unity. A sense of being known.  It brings to us the sense that when we are in need, we are part of a greater group that cares about us.

And the more we are committed to these groups, and the more we invest in these faith communities, the more blessings we will enjoy.  And the more we stay away, and the more we separate ourselves, the more we cause ourselves hurt.

You know, each of us was created by our God to be a part of a community. Each of us was made with a deep need to be in relationship with others. And if we are willing to invest more of our selves in these communities of faith, the more fullness of life we will enjoy, the more abundance we will know. And the greater experience with love we will have.

And that’s what I learned at Midwinter this year. 

Twas the week before Christmas

The cold has taken over here and as of yesterday things are considerably colder than I like. This morning as I got up it was -35C.  Not fit for man nor beast out there today.  And if you were to add the windchill, well then its darn near killer frost for people, especially the homeless.

So of course Lauralea and I decided to head to the city yesterday to see if we could find some Christmas cheer at the mall. We didn't find what we were looking for though, but we did have a good Vietnamese lunch. We talked briefly about what we were looking for and it seemed to be a memory of a previous time when we could walk for hours in a big decorated mall.  Turns out we just can't do that any more. We were done by noon and headed home.

I'm still hacking and coughing up stuff and this is my third week at that enterprise. I believe the worst is behind be but boy does it linger long. I was suppose to go in for a dentist appointment today but I may have to cancel it again. Cancelling it is no real hardship honestly. :)

Thats the news from The Field for today.

If you're in a cold place, take care out there.

My First Bible... Still Works

Yesterday I was called to the hospital because one of our elderly people is not doing well. I don’t think he will be with us much longer.

Anyway, I was getting ready to leave the house and I always take a Bible with me. That's so I can read some comforting verses, and pray with them and listen to them.  

This time I wanted to take a King James version Bible along, because he is 95 years old and dementia has crept up on him and I thought that version might be the biggest comfort for him. So I scanned our book shelf in the living room and I saw my old Bible. I grabbed it and off I went, and I was glad I had taken it.

This small Bible was the first Bible I ever received. I got it from mom and dad for Christmas in 1972 when I was nine years old. I realized that was 50 years ago.

I brought it in with me, and I read the 23rd psalm, and a passage from John 14; “In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.”

The passages and the way the King James reads it seemed to be a comfort to him and his wife. And then with him hanging between two worlds, he started to mumble/sing the song, Jesus loves me. Even in his dementia, that song was written on his heart.

As I was driving home, I realized that that little Bible has been in my life for 50 years. And it is still being used in my life. It is still a gift to me.

Who would’ve thought 50 years ago that I would take it to the hospital to read to a dying friend.

Tuesday Mornings

Tuesday mornings come early for me. My first meeting of the day is at 6:30 AM when we the guys and I meet for prayer.

The guys used to meet in person at the church and drink coffee and talk and catch up and pray together. But now, because of the events of the past few years, we have started to meet online by zoom. We have found that it allows other guys to be able to join us from a distance away, and that is a great blessing as well.

But it is early for me.

This morning I woke up at one minute before my alarm went off. That rarely happens to me, but this morning it did.  I got up and staggered to the washroom and got ready for the day. Then I made myself some strong tea and I came out into our sunroom here with my laptop. I fired up the zoom and see who’s online already waiting for our appointment.

Some Tuesdays it’s just good to see the guys, to catch up on the news, to care for one another, and to check up on one another. Other times like today, it turns into a rich and deep fellowship with one another. It seems that God is not held back by zoom meetings, but he enters our faithful conversation.

There is encouragement for us and a deep sense of “God is with us.” 

It is still early and it is sometimes a challenge to be awake enough for such a gathering.  But you never know who’s going to be there, and you never know how the conversation will go. And you never know what God has planned for us.  It’s still one of the coolest things that we do around here as men.

Hope your day goes well. Mine has started off quite nicely. 

A random post about the sky

So today is the day when Jupiter will be the closest to earth, and so the easiest to see.

It hasn’t been so close in 59 years, the year I was born. And it won’t be so close again for 107 years. Which means none of us alive today will be alive when it comes around the again. That’s kind of humbling.

So the other night I pulled out my telescope and spent an hour or two just looking up into the night sky. It was a beautifully clear night like it hasn’t been for a long time. And you could see Jupiter, brilliant and bright like a diamond in the night. I believe it’s the second brightest thing in the sky after the moon during this time.

I worked hard to try to get a picture of Jupiter with its moons through my telescope. It looked glorious, and you could see the colors of the planet. Its moons always strike me as little stars or again little diamonds in this vast setting.

I was able to take, this picture which is nothing compared to what I could see by my eye. But you could at least see some of the moons.

It is amazing just to stand outside and look into the night sky and just think about how far it goes on.

The other day Lauralea and I were driving somewhere listening to the news reporters saying that scientists were going to do an experiment on an astroid. They were going to crash a spaceship into an astroid to see if they could affect its trajectory.

Interestingly this is also is happening tonight, and while Jupiter is 367,000,000 miles away from earth, this astroid named Dimorphos is about 6 1/2 million miles away from earth. But don’t worry, you don’t stand a chance of seeing it happen.

You see Dimorphos is a space rock that measures 525 feet across, 6 1/2 million miles out there in space. And the spacecraft that will hit it is about the size of a small car and will be traveling at 15,000 mph when it hits the rock.

So what struck me anew is that we are going to send a small car sized spaceship, 6 1/2 million miles out there in space to hit a rock a bit larger than a football field, at a point out in space where they will perfectly intersect one another.

And still, we are told that the universe exists today because of a state of randomness. That things happen without order.

I know of course that they have their arguments to answer my questions. And Lord knows I am a simple man and I am lousy with math. But if we can pick a target out in space, 6 1/2 million miles away and have a small car hit a rock in that place years later, I just fail to see an argument for randomness.

Life is not random. 

Worldwide Ministry Outreach of Malmo in the Field

Some would say that Covid has had some good effects in society and point to online meetings as an example. We've had to move our guys prayer online from in person. This has allowed some guys to join in that are usually on the road by then. So in that it's good.

However this week we reached new heights in our worldwide ministry! 

Jeff called in from Airdrie, Dave from Germany, and Barry from Ireland. The rest of us were in the field here.

That's a big day!

How's The Weather Where You Live?

Yep that's the for sure. Weather sure has been unique lately across these prairies. 

Big toonie sized hail in Ponoka the other day that smashed down crops and leaves off of trees and huge dents in the cars and trucks parked all around town.  Then I think it was yesterday down in Lethbridge area where they had such a wind and they're not sure if it was a tornado yet or just a strong wind that blow over some houses. 

In Saskatchewan where it was so dry the past year, this year it's so green and the rain has come so quickly the crops and gardens are getting slightly huge. 

And in Winnipeg this summer it is so hot and humid, which is kind of normal for Winnipeg, but still. Last winter the snow kept falling and falling and falling and I think they had a record number of inches of snow through the winter. 

We hear of fire storms in Spain, heat waves in London, people dying in France because of the heat.

And here it's been probably cooler than normal. The past few days have been warm but we haven't had a good solid week of hot weather yet, and the crops could use that. There has been a lot of rain, which is good, but some heat would be good too for the crops. 

Anyway all that to say, dang the weather's been weird this year. 

Salad with my lunch

Along the lines of everyone needs to see what I eat as per instagram, here is my lunch from yesterdays meetings photographed in all its vegetable glory.

The Land

It think I mentioned it in my daily prayers video the other day, this connection with the land that I feel somewhere deep inside. It comes out when I drive across the prairies and it shows itself strong when I am standing at an open grave on a cold overcast winters day. 

My family came to this prairie place in 1875 and were put into reserves. They were farmers and school teachers, and pastors it seems. But they made their way in rural settings, always living close to the land.  I feel a connection with them when I think of the prairies and whenever we have some bad weather days.

But I have been learning more with those who were here before then. The First Nations, natives, had such a strong connection with the land. It fed them and cared for them long before the Europeans ever came. They created treaty's with the growing numbers of people of Europeans, to help keep some of that connection with the land and to figure out how to live together in the blessed spaces. It's not all a clean history that is certain, and there is much to own in our history. But that sense of connection to the land is a shared value. 

It seems even more real these days when I remember that in 1875 there was no more room for many families, including mine, in the Southeastern part of Ukraine where they came from over a hundred and forty seven years ago.

Anyway, all this has been stirring in me more with these passing years. 

I realize that all our kids are blessed enough to own land on the prairies. When I see pictures of Johanna and Nate's little farm there in Saskatchewan and the seasons change, it stirs in me. It is raw and not built up. People have been walking or riding over that land for hundreds and thousands of years, and thats just a cool thing.

The history on these prairies goes way back. The arrowhead I have from this land reminds me that this was here a long time before me and will be here a long time after. That is if we don't blow it all up or God calls a break.

Just owning some of my feelings I guess.

Carry on.

 

 

 

 

 

Some Purple Garden Majesty

Well these little babies are back and seem pretty happy to have made it through winter. Unfortunately as yet they are the only colour, except for green, in the garden.

But I happen to think that this lavender or purple just goes well with the green.

Speaking of, the lilacs finally are beginning to blossom. Seems late this year but they are already much better than last years appearance of two small branches of purple, due to a bad winters frost. Our son-in-law, a tree guy, helped cut back the bush last fall, and now it is full of purple promise.

I expect you’ll see some here yet.

Valentine Surprise

I had this lovely surprise presented to me by a ten year old girl from church. Her and her younger brother had made them for me for Valentines Day. It was a great surprise.

That’s one of the things I love about this work, being able to care for many different ages of people. I don’t think there’s an age group that I don’t enjoy pastoring.

I enjoy it when one of the elderly guys stops in at my study door to chat, maybe drop off some veggies sent by their wives. And I love it when some of the kid’s, like a seven year old did yesterday, comes and plops themselves on the chair in my study to chat.

We shoot the breeze but I know they are there to ask for something. Yesterday after a short talk about life, he got to the point and the point was to ask for a candy I keep for such occasions. I gave one to him and one for his brother.

Yup, sometimes it’s fun doing this work.

The Cup Seems Half Empty Today

It’s funny how sitting at my desk working feverishly trying to get things done, and an old song comes on the radio and I’m filled with melancholy. (I should clarify that I have Christmas music playing on my radio so you know most of the songs are filled with memories anyway.)

It has been such a stressful season of life. People are less and less able to keep their frustrations and emotions under control. It’s just the stress of the time, and what it’s doing to our families and marriages and communities. I greatly fear what will happen to the morale of the general population if they are told they can’t celebrate Christmas with their Christmas traditions.

I’ve been living too long unable to catch up. I simplify and simplify as much as I can the work that I do, and it’s not enough. I wonder if we’re trying to do the old ministries in new ways, rather than just adjusting and doing new ministries in new ways. Whatever is going on beneath the surface, I am just, tired.

So a song comes on the radio that our children used to sing and I look over to my left where the pictures are on the shelf. I see the children, from babies through to adults, and I am so pleased with them. But I miss them, and I miss those simpler days. I don’t know how to get back there, and I suppose in that way, I am a little bit lost.

I know it’s been the year, and it’s absolutely been the stress and the work hours, I know it’s all that. I know that it looks like nobody will be home for Christmas. I know that Advent won’t be the same, I know that there won’t be the normal singing of the carols. I know I won’t see friends I normally see in church week by week.

I know all that, but suddenly it catches up to me, the emotion the sense of loss, the separation. It’s all there mixed in.

But I renew my focus and I keep going because I don’t know what else to do honestly. And being miserable won’t help me one bit. You absorb the loss as much as you’re able, and you add it to your history, a collection of the things you’ve lived through.

Yes back to work, I need a sermon for Sunday, and I need to record it on video by tomorrow. God I will need your help again this week, not just for sermons but for strength and hope as well.

This is going to be a very long, very short season.