My last cookie

Wednesday, February 19, 2020


She made me a bunch of valentine cookies last week and I’ve been sharing them a good deal. Today I came to my last one.

She loves me. She bakes for me even though she has gluten and dairy sensitivities that can make her life miserable.

It’s just her and I now. The four kids are out and married or creating meaningful lives for themselves. It hasn’t been just her and I since 1987. The first two years of our lives before that it was just us. The future stretched before us full of optimism and a wide open road.

Add four kids, thirty years, four provinces, three amazing daughters and son in laws and now four beautiful granddaughters. Then it’s just us again.

We’ve worked at our ongoing friendship through the years, so we’re still best friends. But we’re learning again what it means to be just the two of us. This time with a less open road before us. Less time, maybe less enthusiastic energy.

But more love and more wisdom. More insight, hopefully more patience. More of those good things.

So the cookie made me think of being loved. Made me reflect on some of the many challenges we’ve faced together. And the ones we will still face, sooner now than ever.

It feels like we are in pretty good shape for the next parts of our life.

That’s a lot of deep thinking over just one pink Valentines cookie. But worth thinking about the love that stands behind it.

Now for some tea.


In the church early

Monday, February 17, 2020


Just going over my notes, and praying for a bit. Before the crowds arrive.

Happy Valentines Day

Saturday, February 15, 2020
It’s kind of funny how we give each other cards for such occasions. They sure show our personalities.

She got me the “Wanna get lucky?” Card. Inside it says, “Oh wait, you’ve got me. You’re already Lucky!”

And I got her the “Story of Us” card. “My favourite love story is the one we are writing together.”

Some years it feels like only one of us gets it right on the money. One of us gets the perfect card for the other. But this year was like we both got the perfect cards. Win, win.

It’s nice when that happens.

Happy Valentines Day.


Reading delayed

Thursday, February 13, 2020

One of my goals this year has been to do more reading, for work and pleasure. Unfortunately the most recent patch has been a bit busy and my reading corner needs dusting.

Busy.

Funny how that word means different things to different people. Some people can go go go and they still don’t feel busy enough. While others do a few things and then feel so busy.

While I have a resilient work ethic, I’ve worked hard to not be bound by those internal expectations, voices from my growing up years I expect.

So I try to live a balanced life. Work and play. Activity and rest. However some health things have kept me from being able to do all that I used to do. But the voices in my head continue to prod me forward. It ends up taking me more time to do what I used to do. I guess I have yet to find the new balance, so that I can have room in my life to reach such goals.

Always learning how to live I guess. But as I learn, either I need to start dusting my corner, or I need to use it more with a good book.



My wife’s love language is Lego

Tuesday, February 11, 2020
I was headed up to the city today for a noon meeting and the weather and roads were pretty nasty. 10 cms of snow falling this morning. But I made it in with only a few white knuckles.

Lauralea has been hinting a bit about a new LEGO set she has seen. She has always loved LEGO and when the kids were younger she’d be right in there with them making epic structures. Now the kids are gone and we have some extra money. So once in a while I get her a big deal project. A church or the Simpsons house, or a street of houses and she will be busy with that for hours.

(She’s much more gracious than I am and when any little people from the community come by, they want to see her LEGO. She let’s them play even to the point of breaking the creations. She reminds me it’s a toy and they are playing.)

But it dawned on me that this week is Valentine’s Day and if you put that and LEGO together you have love shared.

So I stopped by the mall and they had it in stock. I got her the old bookstore and Victorian house.

The surprise was lost though as her name is registered with LEGO and she gets an email congratulating her on her purchase. She was waiting with big eyes.

Love is still love even if it is celebrated a few days early, and with LEGO.

Happy Valentine’s Day.


Growing Up

Sunday, February 09, 2020
Yesterday I happened to be in a truck with three other guys. They range in age from 60-80 and the conversation was pretty well all over the place.

There was a general concern about the older fella and how he's aging. And there was a good conversation with the 65 year old about how he seems to be getting grumpier and that he never expected that to happen, but it seems to be coming with the age. He doesn't like that, who he's becoming, but it seems to be coming anyway.

So we talked about aging and changes in our personalities. I would have been one to say that we shape a lot about ourselves, by how we engage with life. But I've been noticing lately how life takes it's toll as well, in spite of how much we may say it doesn't. But it does.

You move through life and life treats you how it will. And its not just about how you manage what life throws at you. I mean yes, if you've been given lemons you can make lemonade, but you are still a lemonade salesman when you expected to be, I dunno, an apple cider guy. Of course the illustration breaks down, but there is something more to it all than making lemonade with what life gives you.

Life isn't equal to all. You might not get the right medical attention or afford medication when you need it. You might not get the right breaks or rest that you need, or be able to afford the kinds of food that would make you healthier.

You experience loss and grief or you face personal challenges and they will change you even in small ways that you might not be aware of. But the trajectory of a life lived with that small broken part can end up, down the road, effecting you in big ways. Maybe even changing your approach to life later on in years.

I admit some personal concern over many years of working with people. The good moments are amazing and affirming, but they often fade quicker than the traumatic and difficult moments with people. There are some griefs that I certainly process with my wife or my counsellor and especially with my God. But I am still, be it ever so subtly, changed by the interactions I encounter.

When I was young I believed that all you had to do was to process well the grief you faced or the pain you knew. I've known for a long while that its not as simple as that. That these traumatic moments effect us for a long time. But I'm starting to see that they can effect us permanently, even into our later years.

I really never wanted to be the old guy sitting on the porch yelling at the kids to get off the lawn.
Maybe the solution to that is to never have a porch.




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