The Season is Long

Friday, May 10, 2019
LORD, let me know my end and the number of my days : 
so that I may know how short my life is.
You have given me a mere handful of days, and my lifetime
is as nothing in your sight : truly, even those who stand erect
are but a puff of wind.
We walk about like a shadow, and in vain we are in turmoil :
we heap up riches and cannot tell who will gather them.
And now, what is my hope? : O Lord, my hope is in you.
Walk with us, Lord : the journey is long.
Psalm 39:5 - 8

That was in my prayer this morning.

The season has been long around here. My spirit is doing well considering the strain.  My body bears out that strain.

Since before Christmas my body has been changing. There are noticeable shifts in my health and though a part of me wants to yell and fight and make noise about it all, another part wants to simply be still and quiet and just fade away. I am tired.

As I say, generally my spirit has been well and in a good place, but even that is wearing thin. The Doctors are trying to help, but tell me this is the progression of my health story. There will be seasons of progression and seasons when it is silent. It's been a good season of remaining quiet, but since Christmas it seems to be advancing.

The church is good with its encouragement and support and I need to look at my work and let some things be done by others. Naps are an important part of my managing my life now.  Eating and walking are more important than ever. And I need to learn to manage the stress better, so I am trying a few new ideas. Those are the things I can control. The rest I cannot.

That's why todays scripture is a good reminder to me, not just in my health, but generally in life, that life is shorter than we may often feel. A puff of wind indeed. But the Lord knows the number of my days. I find deep solace in that.

If you're the praying sort, I'm an open and willing target. :)


Thursday, May 09, 2019

The skies are speaking to us

Tuesday, March 26, 2019
From morning prayers.
  The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
    The skies display his craftsmanship.
  Day after day they continue to speak;
    night after night they make him known.
  They speak without a sound or word;
    their voice is never heard.
  Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
    and their words to all the world.
                                      Psalm 19

My Nap (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep)

Monday, March 25, 2019
I nap now.
I'm not that old, but
my body regularly requires it
on a busy, stressful day.

The Doctor says
I should do what my body wants.
In this regard anyway.

So, less often than I should
mainly because of a good Mennonite work ethic,
I take my nap.

I come home exhausted
and I crawl beneath my quilt
for an hour, or two, or three.

How exquisite it feels to
my weary body, my tired spirit.

I turn onto my side,
knees slightly bent
one hand beneath my face
the other comfortably beside it
in its own place.

The quilt pulled up just beneath my chin
and within moments the room swirls about
and I am gone.
I sleep.

But not yesterday
Yesterday, safe within my cocoon I thought to myself
an odd thought
this is exactly how I want to be laid to rest.

I've seen too many dead bodies
in caskets.
That look even more uncomfortable, if that is possible,
because of what they are wearing.
And I thought

When my time comes, and it will,
lay me in my simple box in a comfortable
shirt and trousers
on my side
with my knees slightly bent
one hand beneath my face
the other comfortably beside it
in it's own place.
And let my quilt be pulled up
just beneath my chin
that I may rest comfortably
and let me sleep.

And let me
in my temporary home
be oriented towards you
my partner in life.
You shouldn't have to worry that I'll breathe on you.
But I face you because
you have access to my heart.
And because after all these years of watching over you
and you watching over me
let me rest in my going
the way we lived our lives together.
Watching over one another.

Then let me sleep, my body resting
until the day
my shoulder is touched
by the One who loved me before I was even born
and He gently speaks the words of life
"It's time to get up."
and I am awakened from my slumber
never to need a nap again.


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