If blogger had a Harry Potter Filter, this is what it would look like.

Friday, June 21, 2019


Stress and the normal human being (Part 32 on the theme)

Thursday, June 20, 2019
I used to be, well I guess, normal when it came to stress.

I could handle it and manage it and keep it usually in its place.
Oh there were always little physical symptoms that might creep out. But in my younger days I could carry it much easier.

But these days it's a bit more of a challenge. It has to do with my chronic health condition the Dr. says. Living with a compromised body etc. etc.

I had a high stress event two weekends ago. A wedding. The likes of which I've done many times before. But I found myself so nervous, so struggling to focus, to speak clearly.  The high level of stress was new to me.

I mean I always feel butterflies but this was my first wedding in a year and so I was being extra careful not to miss a thing. Then today I got a call from Vital Statistics that needed some other info on the registration I sent them that they think I missed. I'm still not sure if I missed it or they changed the rules. Either way, it's up to me to get it right. So thats all good, but it's the first time that has happened.

Then last week I was involved in meetings locally at church as we discern and make some decisions for the future. Hours of meetings over a few days where I would consider my stress level was at a 13 out of 10. Finally last weekend, the whole weekend was a 7 or 8 out of 10 for stress, with peaks past 10.

I am trying to reflect and consider if the actual stress levels are higher or if it's how I process the events that increases the stress levels in me. I suspect its the latter.

I am kinda surprised how stress feels to me now. It's a bit like fear and food poisoning put together.  With lots of self doubt mixed in there.

But our capacity for these things changes, yes I know.

I just need to remind myself that capacity change is normal. That I can expect these changes even though I may think I'm not ready for them, still they come.

Still they come.

Little Miss Lilianna May

Wednesday, June 05, 2019
I don't think I've introduced you to the next generation of our heart.

A beautiful granddaughter named Lilianna. 
Daughter to Thomas and Terri Lynn.

This little girl already has our hearts. What an amazing gift grand-parenting is.

I like it lots. :)

The humiliation.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Augustine of Hippo, a fifth-century bishop and theologian, wrote, “The way to Christ is first through humility, second through humility, third through humility. If humility does not precede and accompany and follow every good work we do, if it is not before us to focus on, if it is not beside us to lean upon, if it is not behind us to fence us in, pride will wrench from our hand any good deed we do at the very moment we do it.”

These weeks have been weeks of personal challenges to life and work and how I do work. It feels like a personal dismantling of the ways I have worked in the past. That has to do with a strong work ethic and drawing my value from some of the difficult work that I do. I preach against that but I need to live it out now as well.  And truth be told, I have dreaded that part of my learning curve. Do you still have value when you can't do as much work? Of course you do.  But do I? Welllllll.....

It is, as Mr. Augustine says, a humbling road to walk if you are going to move towards God, and I have been making choices to move towards God more and more. I am relearning a few good lessons on this road and its a good road to be on, but it is a humiliating road as well.

I absolutely trust His character, even when in the midst of the humiliation. It's a road that leads to Him and so it leads to life and light.  Eventually.

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