Some thoughts on a beautiful day

It’s a beautiful day today for a funeral. Or more specifically for a memorial service.

One of our elderly ladies who has been a part of Malmo for 60, 70 or 80 years, passed away in June. And today is the day we will gather to lay her physical remains to rest. That which we saw with our eyes, heard with our ears, and touched with our hands.

She, her essence her spirit has gone on to be with God in His glory. That was his promise to her and his promise to each of his children.


It has been interesting to observe the traditions around death and burial over my past 40 years plus of ministry.

It used to be when the loved one passed away, that a service would be structured and carried out within 5 to 7 days of their passing. That would mean that some of their plans were limited. That maybe not all the family could be there for the funeral.

It also meant that the service would be much simpler than it has become. The food afterwards, a simple affair.

But it has become much more about convenience. When the loved one dies, they are cremated, which then opens things up widely for a service date anytime in the calendar.

There’s time to plan a very ornate service, with high production values. With music and videos, and wonderful facilities and full meals.

And the family and friends can then gather whenever they like for that event.

I understand some of that. But what it’s done is begun to put pressure on simpler funeral services. There’s now an expectation of quality, in music and leadership. There’s an expectation of live streaming the service around the world. There’s an expectation of catering the meal with quality foods because, the loved one deserves the best. And on and on it goes.

The complexity of it increases dramatically, and then of course the expectation does too. So that today, people with financial restraints, sometimes will feel guilty about what they can and cannot provide for their loved one.

I prefer the simple services, that focus on gratitude and worship of God for his work in the life and through the life of his loved one. A simple but heartfelt service, and simple refreshments.

Things are always in flux as time goes on. And it will probably self correct as money and resources become more scarce.

Anyway, this is my work for today.

Blessings all.

So You Want To Be A Pastor

The most crucial advice I can offer to any pastor, whether they're seasoned, just starting out, or even considering ministry, is profoundly simple yet immensely powerful. It's a truth that has resonated in my heart for years, and I've finally found the words to express it.

In the book of Acts, there's a remarkable passage where the Pharisees are astounded by the disciples' wisdom and eloquence, despite their lack of formal education. The secret to their profound knowledge? They had been with Jesus.

This, dear friends, is the cornerstone of effective pastoral ministry. The single most important thing you can do as a pastor is to consistently spend time with Jesus. This practice will unlock wisdom, deepen your understanding, and provide divine insight. It will equip you with Christ's words and empower you to teach God's truth with heavenly wisdom, guided by the Holy Spirit.

But what does 'being with Jesus' look like in practical terms? It means immersing yourself in God's Word daily. Are you reading the Bible regularly? Are you not just reading, but truly absorbing it, pondering its messages, and meditating on its truths? Equally important is prayer. Are you engaging in meaningful conversation with Jesus Christ, both speaking and listening?

I firmly believe that if you commit to these practices daily - spending time in the Word and in prayer - you will become an effective pastor. Combine this with a genuine love for people, and I can almost guarantee your success in ministry. This is more vital than any seminary education or formal training.

Looking back on my years in ministry, I can clearly see that my most fruitful seasons were those when I prioritized being with Jesus. So, to all aspiring pastors, I implore you to take this to heart. Make spending time with Jesus your top priority. It's the secret to pastoral success, the insider information that will set you apart. 

Amen.

Back in the Saddle

Well after two weeks of vacation, I am back in the saddle and in my office here in the church, looking at what has to be done before Sunday. Feeling a tad, overwhelmed. Trying to prepare for Sunday, trying to visit, trying to connect with people, trying to prepare for meetings, and answering emails and requests, getting videos ready.  

I liken it to having a treadmill that's already running at speed, and I'm going to try to jump on this thing and get to speed pretty quickly.  

And so I am writing this post instead. I am hoping it helps me move past staring at a blank screen phase of work. 

I need to get the sermon started. I need to prepare for a meeting. I need to…  pray and be still. Which really is kind of the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish here.

One way is the way of the world and the way it does work. Another way is the way of God and how he does work. 

Which way will I have faith in today?

They thought I was kidding.

This morning I was at the dentist for a couple of fillings. Two of the technicians were working over my open mouth. 

The one asked me if I was still a pastor to which I replied yes. Oh he said where do you Pastor? I told them at a small country church about half an hour to the southeast. 

It was quiet for a minute when, tongue in cheek, he said to her; "You know you should go to church. You need forgiveness." They both giggled and she replied that she thought he had more that needed forgiveness than she did. They laughed and went back and forth, convinced the other needed more forgiveness. 

Finally through their cajoling they asked me, "What about you Pastor, who do you think needs more forgiveness?" 

With their hands in my mouth I mumbled "I think you both need help!" To which the room exploded in laughter. 

They thought I was kidding.

Letters

Dear __________

Yes, please do call me Randy. When I moved from Winnipeg to Prince Albert to pastor the church there, there was already a guy called Randy Friesen there. So I shifted to my actual name, Randall. But as I age, I miss the old Randy, so I am more and more introducing myself as that. So, please feel free to call me by name.

Processing so much life when we are thoughtful individuals can be a real challenge. So we listen to a preacher or a talking head and it makes us think deep thoughts, and we need a place to process that stuff. Normally, when I preach, I try to focus on one big idea for the day, because usually one big idea is enough for people. But I find with this recorded format that I tend to sometimes be a bit all over the place. That also comes from not writing down what I’m going to say before I say it. The reason for that is it just takes so much extra time to work that out, so the recording can be a bit all over the place. I do try to edit that out to some success, :-) but it is what it is, and I am praying and trusting the Lord to use whatever there is there for his glory.

I do quite enjoy the discipline of it. The daily time in the word and prayer is good for my soul. The numbers aren’t vast, but I felt like when God was asking me to take it up again that numbers didn’t matter, hearts did. So I’m trying to leave that up to him and just focus on obedience and faithfulness.

All that to say, sorry about stirring up too many things each day. 🙄

One of your comments resonated with me so well. I believe it was where you identified that your upbringing was considerably safe or sheltered. That’s been my experience as well. And so it’s taken me well into my adult years to meet people who are actually wicked. I used to think that was just a Bible term but no, there are very wicked evil people out there. And for reasons that only God might know right now, the hearts of so many people are being exposed, and wickedness is found within.

The world is not what it was when we grew up. The divisions between races and genders, sexualities, and politics is so pronounced in these past years, That it feels like violence is just around the corner every day. If not physical violence, then certainly spiritual or emotional or mental violence comes at us every day. As you infer, it is exhausting. And so different from our childhood. I sound like an old fart when I say, I miss those days when we had some things in common with our neighbours.

(I heard an author the other day, who was indicating that her research, and the point of her latest writing was that you can tell that a culture or a country is about to die when it begins to wrestle with its identity in human sexuality. This is pronounced when the society moves into areas of gender, changing, and reassignment. She had observed it in her studies of nations of the past. But her point was that western civilization is now going down that road and so there is reason to believe that western civilization timing is up. And so we may watch as it disintegrates.)

So I suppose part of the tension we feel, and the violence we experience, is just in how our society is falling apart.

And then we see nature pushing back whether it’s killer fires in Chile, or killer rainstorms in California, or killer snowstorms on the east coast… And that’s just this week.

Rather than see them as God, calling us to attention, calling us to repentance, we blame global warming, and those people on the other end of the spectrum from where we might reside.

As you might’ve put together by now, the state of the world is high on my list of neediness right now. We are in trouble and I can only wonder that things will get worse.

I like your closing thoughts as well. That we only have our little corner of the world to manage. That’s what I tell our kids, all we have power over is our corner of the world and we can make a big difference there. And a wonderful, healthy world could be discovered as everyone just takes care of their own little patch. That’s all we can do and that’s all we’ve been entrusted with.

As I say, I enjoy your thoughtfulness, so yes, feel free to drop me a note anytime.

We need each other as we fumble towards glory. And so I am glad there are people like you in this world, making a difference.

Many blessings, Randy

Another One Done

Christmas has come and gone. New Years has come and gone. And family has come and gone. Nothing left to do but rest and recuperate.

Well, and clean up the decorations, pay some bills, start planning next Sundays service, and record daily prayers. Normal life stuff.

To say we are tired would be a bit of an understatement. To be fair, there are plenty of flu’s going around and sickness so there is more going on than just life tiredness.

Since Sunday afternoon we’ve been kind of snoozing and sleeping, morning, noon, and night. Interspersed by occasional washroom breaks and eating simple food.

But it was a great Christmas. Lots of family around and lots of the community came to the services. Many of whom I met for the first time. It was the kind of time where there is much hope for the future of the church. Makes me smile. God is at work.


The trick I am continuing to try to learn in this season, is what is health related tiredness and what is age related. It’s not easy knowing that stuff. Feels like learning new limits each week, each season.

I am realizing how stubborn I am when it comes to listening to others about slowing down a bit. Doesn’t bode well for whenever it’ll be time to think about moving out of our own place.

I may just be one of those curmudgeonly old guys who doesn’t realize when the game is up. May God have mercy on us, and our children

Vroooooooooooom, where did that go mate?? Yeah time travel is hard on the body

Tuesday was the 30th anniversary of our ordination, with the EMMC.  

I want to say how did that happen? How did thirty some years of pastoring pass by so suddenly?

I think of all the bible studies and small group gatherings, all the people visited. I recall the faces of the people who have come to faith. Some dramatically and some with simple faith. 

I think of all the various committee and board work I’ve been involved with. City and town ministerials, denominational boards and event planning. Bringing world class Christian speakers to our communities. Starting intentional opportunities for pastors to get together to pray and build relationships. 

I remember the calls announcing deaths, some In the middle of the night. The calls to ask me, can you help? The phone calls from hospitals, the RCMP, chaplains, asking if I can come now. 

The holy moments of being with people as they pass from this life to the next. Then being present with the families who have been left behind. Weeping. 

Walking with people through their critical illnesses as far as we could go with them. Praying. Driving to the hospital each day. Praying. Saying good bye. 

The funerals with families that wouldn’t stop arguing, or squabbling over the quality of the casket. Or being in the hearse with the casket and the funeral director, driving in circles around the cemetery looking for the open ground and finding none because it wasn’t dug. 

Then the excited couples who would come to me after a service all excited because they were getting married and wanted me to do the wedding.  Or the couples who have been trying for so long to have a baby and Lauralea and I would pray over them and they would call with the good news. 

The church meetings, oh all the meetings.  Board, Counsel, Audio-Video, nomination committee, worship committee, Deacon board, Trustee board, Christian Education board, Budget, Congregational, Annual, Pastoral Relations committee, Prayer, Youth, Staff…

I remember with joy the baptisms. People new to faith who wanted to enter the water to show their desire to follow God. The moments when somebody "Got it."  And in that moment, everything changed.

I remember the sermons preached. As a young pastor searching for and praying for that one amazing message that would change lives. Then growing and finding there was not one message like that. So then choosing to stay faithful to the message that God called me to speak, again and again. Over 2000 sermons and they were all the same really. All about Gods mercy and all about Gods love. 

I will be surprised if I am still preaching in another 30 years. I mean I'll give it my best shot, but God only knows the times. 

I remember when... (Really is this gonna become a blog of an old cranky man?)

It was probably near to 30 years ago when I was asked to give a presentation to a Bible college class. The class was about church and where its strengths and weaknesses lay.

I remember the class was fresh and eager and excited to engage with me on the topic.

We were church planting at the time and that allowed us to do church a bit differently than many of the churches of that day. So many of the churches then were more like corporations than they were anything else.  There were systems and processes and ways to get the business of churches done. It was in the 1980s and 90s so some of the church growth techniques were starting to gain traction.

In the church we were in the process of planting we discovered almost by accident, the power of community in church life. People were friends, and not just friendly. That meant they would check up on one another and care for each other through the week in whatever needs they might face. The new people were incorporated into the community and given a place at the table, so that they too had a sense of belonging. We were growing, slowly and surely, we were being established.

There really weren't worship wars in that community because the people would take turns leading the music. We didn't have a youth group and so our kids hung out with adults and participated with them as well. It gave them a sense of belonging too.

We didn't have a building that was ours and we rented space we met in, So our money and our investments were in people. In our local people, and our community in which we lived. 

I remember that my presentation to this class was along the lines of church could be this and this and this, and what I was doing was describing our little church in the city. As I talked their eyes got bigger and bigger and they became more animated in their excitement about wanting to belong to a church like this. they asked me did I know where a church like this existed and I said yes I do. It was to be found in the church that we had the opportunity to be a part of. 

I remember their enthusiasm as they left the room talking in excited tones about the future of church.

Now we were anything but a perfect church. Oh no. There were many struggles along the way. And of course when you're building a community one of the struggles that would arise is bumping into one another. When one had a vision for one direction and one had a vision for another direction, there could be tension. What we had was a commitment to each other in listening and to working out those places in our life together.

The emphasis with that class was primarily that the church could be a community, more than a corporate entity. I know most people would agree with that sense, but it was always in the outworking of that value that community could lose out over the need for structure and organization. 

So here we are 30 years later looking back more than we are looking forward. And I would have to strongly say that in the churches that I have been a part of that have been fruitful ministries, there has been a strong sense of community built. 

The young people I have come in contact with these days are still looking for churches that are about community. As have people who have stuck it out in churches where they don't have any friends.

Churches have chosen different directions and different values that will help them to grow for a time, but I am surprised that some of them are still in existence. Maybe that speaks to peoples stubbornness, or perhaps that speaks to God's incredible patience with us.

But I feel like that is a message I want to get out in every conversation with a young pastor that I have. The Holy Spirit, God, is a relational God who is all about community and that we can experience true living and true life in a godly community. And that's what people are after. many people anyway.

If you want to be a pastor, think about it. Pray about this. And then act on it. 

And if you long to belong to a church like this, they don't just happen, they have to be prayerfully built together.

I believe God still has a lot of surprises in store for his church. We'll see, and we'll pray.

Psalm 19

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right. rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether.

More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.

Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

——

This passage comes from Psalm 19 in the Bible and describes the perfection and importance of God's laws and commandments. The psalmist affirms that the law of the Lord is perfect and revives the soul, meaning that it is flawless and brings life and renewal to the innermost being of a person. The testimony of the Lord is sure and makes wise the simple, indicating that God's word is trustworthy and able to give wisdom to those who seek it. The precepts of the Lord are right and bring joy to the heart, while the commandment of the Lord is pure and enlightens the eyes, implying that God's laws are morally upright and bring understanding and insight to those who follow them.

The fear of the Lord is clean and endures forever, suggesting that reverence and awe for God is pure and everlasting. The rules of the Lord are true and righteous altogether, indicating that God's laws are not only accurate but also morally just.

The psalmist also affirms that God's laws are more valuable than gold and sweeter than honey, implying that they are of great worth and bring delight and pleasure to those who cherish them. Finally, the psalmist asserts that by following God's laws, one's servant is warned and in keeping them, there is great reward, suggesting that obedience to God's laws brings protection and blessings.

——

Church Meeting Done

In my years as a full time, 35 years now, the annual meeting of the church has always been a big deal. And many of those meetings I have been fearful about beforehand. 

But not today. Today was our annual meeting at Malmo and I actually have been looking forward to it. 

Turn it up to be a longer one, 4 1/2 hours, but we also did some visioning, and some work to help us plot a path for the road forward. I was surprised at the general optimistic spirit of the crowd. Probably more optimistic than I am, but that could be other things at work too. 

No, the spirit of the meeting was so lovely and so good. And really when everyone is on the same page, trying to listen to the same spirit, well it can be amazing and wonderful.  

It's always been my sense that the church business meetings should always be in the same spirit as Sunday mornings are. Because if they are not, there is a disconnect in our faith and how we work out our faith.  And some in the churches I've served in the past have been very disagreeable to that opinion. 

But if a person or a church can't be the same on the outside as it is on the inside… well, God help them. 

God help us all. 

:) 

Night.

About Community… Or what I learned at Midwinter this year

Midwinter is a gathering of the pastors and the church leaders of our church the Evangelical Covenant Church.  During the week of midwinter, we bring in amazing speakers. We bring in wonderful teachers. The worship music and the worship leaders are second to none in the world I would say.

The separate workshops or classes are places where we can learn real helpful ways to serve the body of Christ, and to grow in Christ Jesus himself.

And so this week I was exposed to some stunning teaching, some passionate preaching, and some insightful, life-changing or ministry changing sorts of approaches. All of which I received and was deeply encouraged by. 

But what was the best thing for me all week?  It was the conversations and reconnections I had with other pastors who I’ve grown to know over these years.

Moments where we get to share with each other how we are really doing. Moments where we encourage one another in the work that we are doing, in our struggles, and in our lonelinesses.  To listen to one another’s hurts. To check on those we know have been hurting and struggling.  To be able to hear with excitement, the possibilities of future ministry. And to pray together for those brothers and sisters. For me, those are the highlights I bring home. Because those are the moments that touched me the deepest. Probably because they’ve trusted me with their hearts, and so have I with them.

It is always a holy thing when you deal with another person’s heart. And even if they don’t trust you enough yet with their heart, there are holy things you can do to care for their hearts. Things like listening to them. Things like checking on them. Things like praying for them.  Simple yet holy gifts we can offer one another. And by doing that we live out the scriptures;  "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

These are the ways in which we fulfill the law of Christ. And these ways reach deep into our hearts. 

The week before mid winter, I arrived in Jacksonville, Florida, for my week of Board of Ordered Ministry meetings. This is one of the two main boards of the denomination that makes decisions that will affect the direction of the denomination for years to come.  It is our work to walk with people. 

Our denomination holds the credentials of every new pastor who is ordained, or who comes to our denomination.  So it is our work on this board to help pastors and spiritual leaders grow and develop in their calling and in Christ.  There is a sense of responsibility we carry for this group of faithful individuals and we work hard at that. There are 1750 total active clergy who we serve.

With that many people who we are responsible for, at any given moment there are many who are in crisis and trouble, and there are those who have made decisions that would break their vows and even worse, their relationship with God. When that happens, we take them into our care to work to help them regain their own personal spiritual health.  Possibly, if it is fitting, to regain their spiritual ministry.

They come under suspension for care and support and help.  I am so proud that we as a church are ready to spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on them and their families to help them get healthy again.

Of course, not all appreciate this level of care, and so that can mean interviews that are very tense, and can be emotionally and spiritually brutal.  And so the work can be challenging.

But this is my fifth and last year on this board doing this work, and I was reflecting on that at this meeting.  I will not miss the difficult meetings, the broken humans, the tension.  I will not miss the loss of respect for those I might’ve once deeply revered.  I will not miss the tears and anguish we have shed over sisters or brothers, who won’t return to health.  But it is hard and holy work. 

But… I will absolutely and completely miss the quality of the men and women I get to serve on this board with.  I will miss the community we have developed and the care that we exhibit towards one another. I will miss the caring I receive even after I am home from individuals on the board who have checked in with me about how my health is doing. I will miss this community of faith.

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

This is no work that one individual could do effectively. We work together and there is strength in our common unity in Christ.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - Hebrews 10:24-25

I believe it is good work that we do and the more I have invested in this community, the more I have been blessed.  And so here is another community of people that I have found great value and love being among.   God has blessed me more than I will ever be able to say through this community of faithful servants.

————

And finally, I learned…

That Florida can be beautiful in the middle of winter.  And that walking along the shore in the late evening with warm breezes on my bare arms,   (and yes, I do like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain)  Is such an amazingly delightful gift. 

But it’s not as amazing as being home.  Home is where my core community resides. My wife, Family, my friends, my community of faith.  It turns out that community trumps sandy beaches in January.  That is a bit surprising I must admit.

You know, Covid was hard on us, and we learned some new ways to live alone. But the mental health challenges have come a good deal from being alone.  And we have learned how to enjoy being introverted. But there is something of community that is lost in such an environment as well. 

"For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." - Romans 12:4-5

Community is another of the gifts from our God, who knows us, who created us, and who loves us.  We are connected and dependent on one another, for life. And so the lessons to me these days are the lessons about community. Especially faith communities. 

Belonging to a street community or belonging to a choir community or belonging in a work community are all good communities, and bring something to us. They bring to us the sense of belonging. Of been known.  The community of the body of Christ also brings to us care, and love. It brings to us a sense of unity. A sense of being known.  It brings to us the sense that when we are in need, we are part of a greater group that cares about us.

And the more we are committed to these groups, and the more we invest in these faith communities, the more blessings we will enjoy.  And the more we stay away, and the more we separate ourselves, the more we cause ourselves hurt.

You know, each of us was created by our God to be a part of a community. Each of us was made with a deep need to be in relationship with others. And if we are willing to invest more of our selves in these communities of faith, the more fullness of life we will enjoy, the more abundance we will know. And the greater experience with love we will have.

And that’s what I learned at Midwinter this year. 

Travellin Man

I have been in Jacksonville Florida since Tuesday and already I have used "Y'alls" in too many sentences. 

Oh and I had grits for breakfast today. With cheese on top.

And yesterday there were biscuits beside a big pot of porridge, at least I thought. Then someone told me it was sausage gravy for on top of the biscuits. Close one.

So we are in meetings all day and most evenings until the end of the day next Monday, and I am already bagged. Yesterday was a particularly difficult day and I couldn't fall asleep till late. Or better said, early.

But it is so beautiful down here in the +26C temperatures. I just got to get out more.

This was me last night, sort of completely bagged.

This is the view from my room. Complete with battleship. 

So far I've only been out at night here, but it is a strange thing to experience a warm breeze late on a January night.

My First Bible... Still Works

Yesterday I was called to the hospital because one of our elderly people is not doing well. I don’t think he will be with us much longer.

Anyway, I was getting ready to leave the house and I always take a Bible with me. That's so I can read some comforting verses, and pray with them and listen to them.  

This time I wanted to take a King James version Bible along, because he is 95 years old and dementia has crept up on him and I thought that version might be the biggest comfort for him. So I scanned our book shelf in the living room and I saw my old Bible. I grabbed it and off I went, and I was glad I had taken it.

This small Bible was the first Bible I ever received. I got it from mom and dad for Christmas in 1972 when I was nine years old. I realized that was 50 years ago.

I brought it in with me, and I read the 23rd psalm, and a passage from John 14; “In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.”

The passages and the way the King James reads it seemed to be a comfort to him and his wife. And then with him hanging between two worlds, he started to mumble/sing the song, Jesus loves me. Even in his dementia, that song was written on his heart.

As I was driving home, I realized that that little Bible has been in my life for 50 years. And it is still being used in my life. It is still a gift to me.

Who would’ve thought 50 years ago that I would take it to the hospital to read to a dying friend.

Hotels are lonely places

 

Prelude to Autumn

The thunder was rumbling early this Labor Day Monday morning, and the rain was sparse. Not enough to soak anything which I think is a good thing for now given that the guys are in the fields trying to get the crop off.

Last week the heat was in the 30s and that’s rare for us here. But today when I got up it was raining a bit, the thunder was rumbling and it was overcast. Certainly the weather was cooler than it’s been for days, +12 C.

So I came to sit in my sitting place here in the sunroom with the windows open looking out over the fields and trees and it dawned on me that really this is a prelude to autumn. The nights are giving it away most because they are cooling off now like they didn’t do in July and August. That cooling off is helping us cool off the house so that the days are not so hot when it reaches into the 30s.

But it is nice to sit here with the overcast skies and the occasional short rain shower. There’s a cool breeze that wafts in from the outside and I can smell Lauralea’s jasmine plant next to my chair.

Yes autumn is on the way and now we’re into September. Things are starting up again, kids are going off to school, the farmers are in the fields harvesting, and church is continuing to move forward.

I am generally very encouraged by the congregation these days. God is moving in our midst and there is room for him to touch hearts. Yesterday was such a lovely day of worship and God was so present. Many peoples hearts were touched and encouraged and challenged and what more could we ask for.

I feel as though we are moving well along the path we chose for this year. The path of healing and reflection and moving deeper into relationship with one another and with God.

All the fellowship times have been well received, and I see people caring for one another. So it feels to me like we as a congregation are getting lighter.

There are some individual stories that are heartbreaking and tragic and too close for comfort. It has been a very difficult few years in the areas of mental health. You never really know what’s happening in the hearts of people who gather on Sunday mornings to worship God.

I should say that I continue to do well. God is blessing with every provision for every day. He is teaching me new ways to live and new ways to pastor. Ways I have longed for for many years.  My prayer these days is that God would continue to renew my heart and my actions. That he would give me his heart in all these things.

So when I see the edge of autumn starting to move across the land like today, I am not overwhelmed or fearful. I feel ready for it. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time and I am looking forward to what the future has for us here in this field. … As long is winter is not in a rush to arrive.

"Kansas City Here I Come"

 So I find myself in KC for a week of Board meetings. It seems like a. nice place but dang is it hot here, well at least as compared to home. And humid.

I realized yesterday that this work has allowed me to see some iconic (at least to me) American cities. These are cities you see in NFL or other sports events and now I get to experience them first hand.

Last night we had some Southern food for dinner and it was a pretty great experience. This morning for breakfast I had a fresh biscuit with gravy on it. Who know?  There are some fun tastes out there to be experienced.

But also you see the head offices of corporations you've heard of. Kind of cool. So I realized last night that I could see the Hallmark Cards head offices across the street.

I wonder if they make the movies there too.

Of Birds and Bees

The bees are buzzing here today and maybe that means plums on this tree for the first time ever.

Lauralea and I have been on the road for a bit over a week. Catching up on the closer kids, and relatives.  It took me about ten days to be ready to want to come home, and its so good to be home now.

Been trying to process life and health and my brain and where is God it it and what does He ask of me. It's a bit hard to focus and to remember. To think through things and to refocus.  May be med related as well.

I think it all kinda goes hand in hand with mail that was waiting for Lauralea when we got home. There was a letter from our bank ready to give us a completely free bank account now that she's entered her sixtieth year. (59)

Then the next letter was from the government asking her to start to consider if she would like to start receiving her old age pension at the age of 60 or to wait for more when she turns 65. 

That blew us away you know.  I mean made us a little freaky. There are deadlines now, and that's if the health continues to hold up. 

But it is good to be home, even as spring is breaking in this part of the world.

The birds and the bees are happy. But why wouldn't they be.

It's hard but its good too

I take a few moments to stumble into the past of this blog of mine and I realize that through the years of life there have been times of great strength and times of weakness. I often remember the times of weakness, not so much the times of strength.

I am in a weak place right now. 

I find myself struggling with hopelessness, feeling worthless, and pessimistic. I am becoming forgetful, not able to manage much on my plate, I have difficulty concentrating, remembering, and making decisions. 

The part that effects Lauralea is my feeling bothered, or annoyed, or angry. The mood changes, anger, aggressiveness and irritability. The part I hate is the loss of interest in things I once enjoyed, and this overarching sadness that never goes away.

So I am trying to own what the Doctor told me two weeks ago. Severe clinical depression.

Interesting how I fight that. But how glad am I that I am not going crazy or aging out of life. 

There are good reasons for this as the doctor told me. And we will take steps to get healthy again. But it's not a quick fix. I am doing all the right things, seeing my Doctor, and meeting with my therapist and spiritual director etc. etc.

The good doctor asked me if my faith in God had suffered through this time and I told him that to the contrary I had found that to be a source of strength and hope in my life, which he was pleased about.

I know that many others are experiencing this same thing in these times. It is difficult and all consuming. I get it. 

For me it's the action of a caring God that I see daily. It is not that He has taken this away from me, but He sure is blessing the small limited things I have to offer this community. I told Lauralea yesterday that in this time of feeling so unable and broken, there is such amazing work going on here that God is doing.

It's hard, but it's good too. 

Growing up

The town where my grandparents lived.

These days have made me reflect a good deal on my roots and how my relatives faced challenges in life. I think I am looking for ways to age well.

Certainly my experience as a child seeing them in life, were with the eyes of a child. I was blissfully unaware of more adult experiences of truth in their lives. So I don't have that, mostly for the good I believe. Still it leaves me grasping for how to age well. 

I had a realization a while back that one of the persons in the bible I could identify with deeply was the young man Timothy. He seemed about my age and experience level. He seemed to have some insecurities that I could identify with, which was also a comfort to me in ministry. And so as I moved into this life, he was my hero, my good example.

Lately I realized that I have still considered him in that same place where he's been all my life. As my example and hero as a young man pastor. 

Then something happened to me, someone identified me as a Paul in their life, and really that just sort of stunned me. It caused me to realize that I'm not that young man pastor any longer. I'm not still back there with the insecurities and fears of a young pastor failing at the work.  

Here I am still identifying as a Timothy when I should or could identify more as a Paul. It might seem like a nothing deal to you, but for me it has been so completely a shift in my thoughts. It's a better fit, as Paul has faced so many of the things I have faced. And his example and words have more and more been a good help to me.

So at least I am growing but dang how long did that take? How long was my self perception off a bit? I wonder if there are other areas I need to "Grow up" in.

But as I say, at least I'm growing up.

March

The world seems to be opening up around here, at least in this province it is. I know that some are very nervous about that, and some are very very nervous about being in public again or around people in general. They have been so long away from others that it has messed with their willingness to be around people.  But my point is that the world is opening up again. And we have our first Covid related funeral this week as well.

Where was I going with this??

Right, the beginning of March. Wasn't it March 15th here that every thing shut down? I think it was. So it's nearly two years to the day that it moves along. That will help the conspiracy theorists. :) 

I just uploaded the latest "Daily Prayer" video.  It's become an appreciated regular morning time in the book for me. Probably even if no body watched it, it would still have value for me. It is a good discipline for me and just being in the Bible in some way, pours life into me. And believe me, right now I need that life. Tomorrow's Daily is from Psalm 119 Ever Ponder The Direction Of Your Life? A perfect question I have been asking myself. The timing is good for me.

March is here. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and then we are on the move through Lent, into Holy Week and Easter. May that Sun melt away the snow and cold, outside and in.