Tonight Lauralea and I had to attend our first Grad Parents Meeting, so I was the new guy. I don't like being The New Guy, especially at such a function. It was, in my estimation, a bit of a joke.
We were introduced to the new principal, who seems like a very nice guy, if a little nervous.
He read the required letter from the school board stating their willingness to support and give cash towards a "ChemFree Grad." But, due to moral and legal obligations, they would not support a safe grad. The parents would have to plan that themselves, if they wanted one.
By that point I was confused, ChemFree? Safe? And why wouldn't the Board support a safe grad??
Well, he was done speaking. Then four or five ladies got up who were the Grad parents council last year. They basically blew off the School Board's offer of cash towards the chemfree grad. They stated; "We all know what our kids are going to do, so lets help them do it safely!" And a murmur of approval arose from the Catholic crowd. (It's a High School in the separate school board system here in Saskatchewan.)
Apparently, based on last year's hugely successful post grad celebration, this is what a Safe Grad looks like. They hire buses and vans, and some DJ and drive to a farmer's field far outside of town. They bring in guards from the Federal Penitentiary to police the place. There's plenty to drink if you buy tickets to get the provided beer and liquor, and get your parents to stamp the tickets so you can drink.
And, the party/mudfest goes on all night long.
Now, when you hold that up against, "Let the kids party by themselves, where ever they want," a safe grad seems like a really smart thing.
There's just some things about it that smell.
For instance, the whole assumption that "The kids are going to do it anyway!"
Yes, many kids are going to do it. But people will often live up to what's expected of them. Sure some will break your expectations, so you come alongside them and help them along. But to ass-u-me that that's what the kids will do anyway solidifies the thought in kids minds that, indeed, this is what we expect of them, so let's get pi--ed!!!
Teaching them how to be drunks, safely. Nice.
But, I suppose the thing that got me the most ticked was a statement by the chair of the committee who, when defending the idea, said something like; Drugs are not allowed. Any kids caught using the stuff would be arrested because that stuff is illegal.
All of a sudden we are concerned with the law?
The age you are legally allowed to drink here in Saskatchewan is 19. Most of the kids partying will be 18, 17, 16.
It seems very inconsistent for us as parents to be worried about breaking the law in regards to drugs, but this other law, this one we can break.
Man, when does parenting get any easier?!?
Thankfully, Lauralea and I had to leave for our small group meeting, so we tried to sneak out the back.
The principal got to us and introduced himself to us. I expressed my gratitude for him and his work, and thanked him for the School Boards generous gesture to give some cash towards a ChemFree grad.
He seemed kind of dissatisfied with how things had gone, again. He assured me he would fight for a letter to be sent out to all the parents asking their opinion and vote for a Safe or ChemFree Grad.
I thanked him and shook his hand. It must not be easy being a principal these days.
And I know it's not easy being a parent.
It helps perpetrate the idea that you can't really have a good time without booze. And lots of it.
ReplyDeleteAnother "school" has 'casino night'.....where on earth are we going???????
ReplyDeleteFlashback... My grad. Golf and Curling club. No alcohol. No casino. Much Music dance party. Food room. Games room. No one admitted later than 10 pm. No one could leave without a parent before 6am. No one admitted drunk. Parents chaperoned, not security guards. People talked, danced and reminisced. There were draws all night for prizes. I won a hat, a make-up bag and the use of a Ford Escort for August.
ReplyDeleteSome people wanted a "Safe" grad but most just wanted a grad. In fact, there was more controversy over what our grad song would be, than whether alcohol would be allowed or not. My friends at Carlton found it amusing that the St. Mary students were going to be drinking while we would actually remember our grad.
I wonder how many parents are adamant about putting their kids in a situation their kids don't want to be in? If there was drinking at my grad, I wouldn't have gone. However it seems that we cater to a lower denominator these days. I understand that if the grad were dry, some students may not go and choose to "party" elsewhere but I think parents need to be somewhat responsible for their kids actions. The wet grad parents seem to abdicate their role as parents in favour of paying security guards to make sure no dies or loses too many brain cells. Maybe we should rent hotel rooms, pass out condoms and make this the safest grad ever. (That was sarcasm, but I think it illistrates the same point taken to an extreme.)
At my grad there was no drinking. You had to cram all your drinking into the hour and a half between the Grand March thingy and when the actual "party" started. After a certain time no one else could come in and you DEFINITELY couldn't bring in alcohol, though I imagine some tried.
ReplyDeleteOn another note we DID have a Casino, and I cleaned house in blackjack. Oh, and as for the legal drinking age, parents/guardians/spouse of minors may give them alcohol in a private place. And if you say that they did not "appear" to be a minor you are in the clear, to some extent.
To get a further perspective on our provinces laws regarding the aforementioned subject, proceed to section 110 of this address here:
http://www.canlii.org/sk/laws/sta/a-18.011/20040914/whole.html
So I suppose if they just set up a bunch of booze and the grads happened to stumble across and "find" the alcohol, that would be okay.
ReplyDeletePlease accept this Catholic parent's heartfelt apology. I am sorry and embarrassed that such a pessimistically irresponsible position would be advanced by members of our church. Please try to understand that many members of the Roman Catholic church are connected culturally and not spiritually to the Body of Christ.
ReplyDeletePeace and Grace
Most of the people I knew at St. Mary weren't Christians at all.
ReplyDeleteI suppose that depends on how you define 'christian' or 'connected...spiritually to the Body of Christ'?
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew. Let me contrast, what for me at least, is the difference between "cultural" and "spirtual" Catholics. Cultural, or as they are more commonly known as, "Cradle" Catholics, primary connectedness to the church stems from the fact that they were born and baptized into the Catholic faith. Their relationship is mostly temporal. In a surprising number of cases they no longer attend Mass, other than at Easter and at Christmas, they have no personal relationship with Jesus, they don't read scripture and they are woefully ignorant of the Roman Catholic catechism, the laws of their church.
ReplyDeleteBy most objective measures of the faith, "Cradle" Catholics are sadly lacking, yet for some perverse reason, many still insist on calling themselves Catholic and worse still engage in speaking for a faith and a church they no longer truely participate in.
What is tragic to me, in this regard, is the unfortunate message this obvious hypocrysy sends to our Christian bretheren. Catholics are very often viewed with suspicion by their protestant friends. We are seen as self indulgent, spiritually lazy and ill informed. A mindless herd of kneeling syncophants who have no real understanding of the faith we express. Sadly, speaking from the inside, many of these criticisms are justified.
For me, no other Christian sect can match the Roman Catholic faith in terms of the "fullness" of its expression. It is wholly reconciled to the scripture, traditions, and supernatural mystery of Jesus Christ. It has it all to offer but because of it's many "false" faces, the message is often prudently ignored.
PT. 11
ReplyDeleteFor me, the obvious truth, is that "Cradle" Catholics need to be shaped up, or shipped out. Our church has done Jesus great insult by allowing too many of its members to maintain almost non- existant faith relationships with the Holy Trinity.
Spiritual Catholics understand that their faith relationship is based on something more than just birthright and custom. That it is a living organic thing that requires them to relate firstly to Jesus on a personal level. Spiritual Catholics, understand that their faith is something that must be reflected in the choices and activities of their lives. It is not just some obligatory Sunday occurance.
Sadly, too many Catholics today, in their arrogance and misunderstanding of the sacred trust given them, feel that they have right to liberally revise that which was given them. May God have mercy.
I had a grad night I'll never forget. I spent the night in the back seat of my car; at the drive in; with my family; we watched Dinosaur and Shanghai Noon.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent concerned about how to encourage my teenage and younger children to come to their own faith and boldly live it out as counter-cultural radical disciples of Christ, I can relate to your concerns Randall. I think that the attitude you mentioned, "We all know what our kids are going to do, so lets help them do it safely" is too prevalent, not only outside of but inside the church. Let's not sell our kids short, but encourage them to aim high.
ReplyDeleteHey thanks for all the Grad stories, I'm having my own flashbacks.
ReplyDeletePaul, I understand exactly the differences between "cultural" Catholics and "Faith" or "Actually Living It Out" Catholics. We have our own version of this game, and we play it too.
But, as you all commented, I began to wonder why a "Faith based school" would make worse choices than a non faith based school?
Is it because we have learned of grace and quite enjoy what it seems to allow us?
Is is because we know that death isn't the end of it all, so we don't fear it like the world does?
Why is this?
Ask anyone you know, who is personally intimate with Jesus, if they could support such a decision. Ask yourself if you believe that people who would come to such a conclusion are intimate with Christ. Ask the people involved for making the decision, what their spiritual motivations were. Ask them if they prayed about it.
ReplyDeleteDon't assume that because a school system presents a parochial exterior that there is any real spirituality being taught inside.
I think it's about the 'selling-out' thing; and the mis-interpretion of being OF and not IN the world. I mean, does it REALLY say go ahead and do what you KNOW is wrong and God's grace is sufficient??
ReplyDeleteI don't think so.
(And in this case the phrase "sin boldly" is out of context)!
I think it's about the 'selling out' thing. It's a mis-interpretation of being IN the world vs OF the world. I mean, does it REALLY say to do what you KNOW is wrong and God's grace is sufficient?
ReplyDeleteI don't think so.
(and the phrase "sin boldly" is out of context here)!
oops. The comments were being weird and it kept telling me that I couldn't send them. I guess each time I did, THEY did. Sorry folks.
ReplyDeleteWow, you must be very adamant about that point Janet.
ReplyDeleteWhen I said most I knew at St. Mary weren't Christian, I meant that they honestly had no religious affiliation at all, or were Mormon and JW.
Whether the Catholics are pushing it or someone else that's got to be one of the most ludicrous party ideas I've ever heard. Do they pass out condoms, too? ("We all know what kids are going to do.")
ReplyDeleteIn the States, where the drinking age is 21, many schools have Sobergrad nights which often take place on school grounds -- with school involvement -- although parent planned. They have been extremely successful in saving lives.
Give the kids SOME credit. This is a no brainer.
Hey, what's a party without alcohol? That's the perspective of everyone I know.
ReplyDeleteand clinton, JW's aren't allowed to come to St. Mary's. It's against their religion. My friend's a JW, and she didn't have a choice where to go.
Johanna, my friend was a JW and he went to St Mary. JW's are even allowed to marry people of other religions so I can't see how going to a Catholic school is against their religion. Perhaps your friend is an extreme conservative JW.
ReplyDeleteAnd trying to change everyone's perspective is a very big social endeavor. I can only see the grad party's getting worse as they mirror society.
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So Randy, what did you do in the end? Did you send you kid to the safe grade? I know this is 4 years later but parents today want to know.
ReplyDeleteAh Jeannine,
ReplyDeleteWe worked hard from within to try to change the system, but even after these years there is such a strong desire for it that the vote that is held each year to see if the families want to do it, is overwhelmingly in favour if it.
So we've given the kids the choice to go if they want to go. Most of their classmates go, and it's really the only game in town. But we've refused to buy them drink tickets. There is pop and pizza and lots of other stuff like that for them there.
I think Thomas was the only one to nearly not go, but some church friends were going so they went at the last minute. He was back after a couple of hours reporting it to be quite lame.
The girls both went, but neither lasted through the whole night.
So yeah. They've dealt with it quite well, and we just chose to not give them alcohol tickets. Which removed the choice from them and maybe in some ways made us the strange parents, but it also removed some pressure from them, because it was their "strict parents" fault.
Just trying to be consistent.
Yeah does that help?
Yes that helped. I have been racking my brain trying to reconcile my views with the choices available to the kids on this important occasion. Probably not buying tickets would be the way to go. I'm am praying that it will all go away in the next 2 years but it is such a juggernaut not to mention backwoods and hayseedish. Thanks again.
ReplyDelete