(Namely Marc and Daniel, well, their wives to be more exact...)
"Inspired by the historic Manneke Pis statue in his hometown of Brussels, a little boy practices and perfects the art of standing up. Like everything in life, standing up takes practice. No one is perfect (or perfectly dry) the first time. But after a lot of practice ? and a lot of patience ? comes?success! Standing up is easy. It´s fun too. Especially when you get to stand up next to dad, just like a big boy!
"Never stand in front of a boy in training. Standing Up will make your home safer, with a smile for you and your son." -- Jeffrey Schwimmer, M.D., Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, University of California San Diego"
O H B R O T H E R.
Glad to see that Jeffrey's Ph.D. didn't go to waste.
Here's a bit of magic I used to help the MEN around here. I made it a policy, if it's a toilet, you sit. If it's a urinal or the great outdoors, stand away baby!
No probs.
And the women around here don't know how good they have it. They REALLY don't.
That's the "standing" policy at our place, too. ;)
ReplyDeleteMy Gr.12 Bio teacher did a little experiment to prove a point about 'splash factor' in human males. Having cleared the field trip with the proper authorities, he took the whole class (girls too) on an excursion to the boys room. He had one of the fellas (don't worry... this is G-rated) use a plastic bottle filled with some deeply blue dyed liquid as 'Exhibit-A'. He shot twice... one round into the urinal; one as if standing at the toilet. The results were... umm, rather convincing to say the least. Ubiquitous would be one way to describe it.
So, because most everyone hates to get their face down near the bowl for any reason (sober or not), I've adopted the same guidelines that you have.
Oh, and gents... Randall's comment about the women not knowing how good they have it... trust me, they know.
"Blessed are the peacemakers"
Way to go, Randall! More guys should take a stan... nevermind.
I love it!!
ReplyDeleteWow. There should be a support group for this! I thought I was the only one! I never stand up if it's a toilet. I think it's a policy I, too, will assume--if we have any boys.
ReplyDeleteI have a couple of male friends who are particularly loud. What do you say when your having coffee in the basement and the upstairs bathroom noise is resonating through the whole floor structure? And how do you pretend, in front of said friend's wife, that you don't hear it and everything's perfectly normal?
And, Jeffrey, PhD, praytell: how is standing safer?
His last name's Schwimmer. lol.
ReplyDeleteWhatever! Clearly God wants men to stand up when they pee or He wouldn't have made it so easy. Who wants to sit down when they don't have to? The aiming takes discipline and patience, both good qualities, though I wouldn't go so far as to base my entier theology on this concept.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that the garden is quite as verdant (maybe because it's not so well watered) as this suggests. Without wishing to go into details, sitting isn't particularly good due to lack of space front to back in a British loo. Maybe Canadian toilets are longer? Sitting is fine for females - everything points downward, but, well, that's not how things seem for me.
Good taste prevents further comment. Darn it! I MUST be getting old to pass up a chance like this!
I can see possibilities for a best seller here: Sitting - by Randall, PeeHD
ReplyDeleteUh, yeah Toni, Sorry to burst your bubble but it's the size of the Brit toilets that counts.
ReplyDelete:-)
Marc makes a wonderful point too.
ReplyDeleteHow many times have I been visiting with someone over tea or coffee when the son or husband rises and excuses himself, only to be heard a few moments later hosing down the toilet. Sheesh.
I remember one guy even left the washroom door wide open. This was followed by the Monte Python-esk moment as his wife continued to speak and grow louder even through the noise!
lol
this a great! Marc, I'm for the support group thing--I'd never realized there were so many in favour of sitting. It's the same in our house and I thought WE were the only ones!! Ha.
ReplyDeleteOh and Matt, the one about if God wanted men to stand...lame-o. That's right up there with if God wanted us to fly he would have given us wings. Hey we figured out the aeroplane; we also built the loo.
Clearly, you don't clean the bathrooms in your house.
Well, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And it has fallen here, it has fallen! Makers of men, creators of leaders, be careful what kind of leaders you're producing here. Now, I don't know if a little dribble here or there is right or wrong; I'm no judge or jury. But I can tell you this: we shouldn't sell anybody out to make peace with the women. ;)
ReplyDeleteLOL with Leighton.
ReplyDeleteJanet - I think you may have overlooked that mis-spelt metal Matt was mining.
;-)
I'm with LT and Al Pacino. Men: stand up for courage and integrity. Don't take this sitting down!
ReplyDeleteI see some of the gentlemen commenters are from the John Eldridge school of manhood (Matt, Leighton, Scotty, I'm talking to you). :)
ReplyDeleteFor years I've argued that if men should put the lid down when they're finished, women should put the lid up when they're finished. I still believe that's a valid point.
That said, sitting is more convenient on a number of levels: reduced splashing, no accidental back-of-toilet soakings, no arguments over the seat position, no sit-on-the-toilet-when-the-seat-is-up mishaps for the women. Etc.
Sitters of the world, unite!
Sissies!
ReplyDeleteHearing someone urinate doesn't bother me a bit, even when I'm in the presence of said stander's wife -- it's perfectly natural!
I find it 'curious' that people can't look to see where the seat is, and even more stupidly, get angry if it isn't in the position they want. A bit like throwing a wobbly if someone else has driven a shared car and then not put the seat back where they left it.
ReplyDeleteI could really get into it here when it comes to guy habits I suppose. I think, since I clean the bathroom, kitchen, well everything, that whether standing or sitting wouldn't it be nice to clean up after yourself. Girl or guy. Also, if you need to blow your nose, please use a Kleenex. I also don't care about noise. There could and sometimes are worse noises coming out of the bathroom. Wave of the future - soundproof bathrooms? I'd rather listen to someone pee than someone eat. O.K. that sounds kind of gross.
ReplyDeleteMy,my,my,small things do amuse small minds?
ReplyDeleteOh me!, Oh my! My education has been neglected! I had no idea this was such a big issue in our society. As I've read through the thoughts on this problem, I realize that "To pee or not to pee?" is not the question, but the question is "How to pee?" Really?
ReplyDeleteAlthough I was raised in a family with six brothers and a dad, it was before the days when the outhouse was obsolete and I have no idea if the men in our family stood, sat, hit or missed!
Since that time I have lived in homes with females only and I have always been able to sit down confidently in the middle of the night without turning the light on and know that I will be fully supported!
I just had no idea this battle was raging throughpout our society! Some of us do lead very sheltered lives, don't we!!!
I'm a sitter, for three reasons:
ReplyDelete1. I don't want to do all the bathroom cleaning in our house (just ask my no-nonsense spouse);
2. I get that extra minute of reading time; and
3. I am secure in my masculinity.
Amen to Phil! Especially number 2 (no pun intended)!
ReplyDeleteReason #21 that canoe trips are great: Issues like this have zero significance.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteFebuary 24,2005
Randall,
I thought you were a pastor of a church!
I cannot understand your thought process other than to say I find it immature. You say you are a pastor but then you write like a kid. You said that you wanted this web site to be an out-reach to non-christians I can't see anything you say here that would attracted non -christians. This kind of talk is not christian at all! I guess I am too old fashion, I think this is inappropriate for a pastor to be talking about. Remember who you are trying to bring to Christ!
Sandy W.
I sat AMEN to Sandy w.! I appears to me that for a pastor, the mind is in the gutter a lot. If it isn't sex you're talking about it's drinking. Oh well, I guess we can't all be perfect. How about spending sometime talking about what it really means to be a spirit filled Christian,okay?
ReplyDelete"I guess we all can't be perfect"?
ReplyDeleteWho of us is?
...I really don't know what to say....
...um...
ReplyDeleteLOL.
ReplyDeleteSandy and Betty
ReplyDeleteGood grief! Do you think that God our creator who made us to have bodily functions is offended?
Sometimes the washroom is my own private prayer closet. I think he is quite aware of what else I may be doing at the same time.
Its OK to be a human you know. HE was. And it is OK to have a sense of humor. HE made us that way.
Thanks, Linea. I've been biting my tongue all day.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWell, the simple parenting advice I offered seems to have taken a serious turn for the worse!
I suppose you could take the opportunity to coment on what a pastor should and shouldn't be doing, on the NEXT post, but heh...
Just for the record, I have never said I wish to run this place as an "out-reach to non-christians"
I write in this space as an extention of who I am, it is just about my life. And, to be honest, in my life, kids pee on things. This is one helpful way I've found to make that stress a little less in my home, and I'm actually surprised how it has resonated with others.
This place is, hopefully, a place of honesty, lived out in a not always honest internet.
The other comment that suprises me a bit is "If it isn't sex you're talking about it's drinking."
Huh?
Perhaps you're thinking about another website?
I'm not even sure if you're being serious?
Sex and drinking? Sorry, you're mistaken.
The only sex I would be talking about in my life, would be sex with my wife, and it's good, as it was always meant to be, by G O D.
I've never had sex with anyone but her. But I sure don't remember talking alot about it here...
As for drinking, I didn't think I talked alot about it here, mostly because it's not a big issue in my life.
Indeed as you say, I am far from perfect. I am not a perfect pastor, and I am not a perfect man. The internet is already full to overflowing with lies and broken ideas cleaned up to look real nice. I will not live my life that way, because I don't think it's being honest, or Christian.
This place is just my life, lived out under God's gracious hand. I want to be honest about that life. If it's too honest for you and you think I've failed, I invite you to communicate with me via email. "...if you see your brother in sin, go and talk with him first..."
"love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" are the fruit I've seen in many of the readers of this space, many. And I am greatful to be able to call them friends.
Ha! betty anderson came back to comment twice, so the site can't be all that bad!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, you couldn't make Sandy W. up if your life depended on it.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the messiness of families hasn't been part of her experience, or cleaning resturant and fastfood washrooms.
This was good, er, clean, albeit adolescent fun.
Sandy if you don't laugh you gag. I hope you have the opportunity to teach your own family someday. Blog on!
I am a Christian, I love God and try continually to put Him first in my life.....and I pee.
ReplyDelete....and I pee with the door open.....and the only way I close the door, is if I have a male in my appt....even new female visitors can hear me peeing down the hall........I dont want to miss any of the visiting.
ugh oh.did I hit a nerve somewhere?
ReplyDelete"ugh oh.did I hit a nerve somewhere?"
ReplyDeleteNo - you just aided and abetted a troll - a moderately serious internet crime, all the while displaying ignorance and foolishness.
An apology to Randall, whose name you've just libelled, would be in order.
I've found the REAL REASON for all this controversy, but you'll need to read the blog of the ancient mariner to see it.
ReplyDeleteSandy: I appreciate your passion for godly living, but I wonder if your concern might be misplaced. Is joking about men standing vs. sitting to pee really a moral issue?
ReplyDeleteBetty: I understand sex the way God intended it to be a wonderful, mysterious union between a man and a woman, in fact although Protestant I am attracted to the Catholic/Orthodox view of marriage as a sacrament. That is why I find sexual humour offensive. I believe the greatest sins are corruptions of good things. Desecrating a holy thing is simply in a different category than this discussion about peeing. Regarding alcohol, the bible speaks highly of both wine and beer, but frowns on drunkenness. From what I can remember of Randall's infrequent posts that mention drinking, he seems to be following the biblical model.
Grace: When I was a kid on the farm, our outhouse was a 2-holer that my dad had built, with one side of the seat being hinged so the boys could have a bigger target. I remember that my brother left the seat up one day, and the next morning my sister gave him an earful, after almost taking a 5-foot tumble during a nocturnal visit.
Joel: Yeah, it's dangerous to stand up in a canoe, which leaves just one alternative. It's good to meet another sitter. BTW, do you use a bottle, or do you aim over the gunnel?
I agree with Toni. Betty's comments were unfair and untrue.
ReplyDelete"You said that you wanted this web site to be an out-reach to non-christians I can't see anything you say here that would attracted non -christians. This kind of talk is not christian at all!"
ReplyDeleteI have been trying to hold off from writing back to your comments, Sandy and Betty, but I can't anymore. I'd rather email you, but I am computer illiterate and can't seem to make the email link work.
I was a new Christian in highschool and I went to a church with some people who you sound amazingly like. They hated me. I was loud, I was silly. Finally, I turned away from church and God because I couldn't take their hateful judgements anymore. Whether or not Randall is trying to reach out to non-Christians with his post... he is doing a better job of it than you. The fact is the unsaved masses aren't going to be offended by a little humorous toilet training talk. (Even if church people are.) A good portion of the unsaved cuss on a frequent basis, they drink, they watch movies with raunchy sex scenes, (they HAVE sex outside of marriage,) some of them are crude, some are loud, and lots are silly... and you ACTUALLY believe this little piece of silliness would put them off Christ? You know what puts people off Christ? I can tell you from personal experience... Judgements, hypocrasy, and the belief that Christians are a bunch of prissy know-it-alls who have lost the ability to have any fun.
Quite frankly, there are also lots of Christians who cuss, drink, are crude, are silly, and watch movies with raunchy sex scenes (the Bible is itself often pretty raunchy), and yet these people who are more Christlike than I'll probably ever be.
ReplyDeleteI agree.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised that after 40 comments no one has mentioned About Schmidt. I admire Randall's graciousness in offering/agreeing to sit down, but I think it is a bit silly to expect that. After all, it is a bathroom, and one expects to have to clean the bathroom floor once in a while. If there are male stand-up pee-ers in the house, it makes sense that they should clean the bathroom floor. But it seems a bit much to rule out standing altogether.
ReplyDeleteBTW, the reaction of the two ladies above reminds me of a similar encounter on my blog between Aaron and a few members of his church. That got a lot uglier.
I know I probably should not be adding to this because this discussion has gone on long enough. I was going to write yesterday, but I didn't get around to it.
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed the "fun" of this. I have for a long time thought that our hesitancy to talk about these things has far more to do with Queen Victoria than it has with God. As I have helped Tara study the digestive system for health, I have again been filled with awe about the wonderful bodies God has given us, including His way of getting rid of the toxins that enter our bodies by way of food, water and air. I have sometimes felt that our making these subjects taboo is saying to God that He didn't do a very good job of it. He should have eliminated the toxins before they reached our bodies.
I have noticed the ease with which the Bible talks about such functions. The following three pictures have always intrigued me.
I Kings 14:10 where God says that He will cut off from the house of Jereboam every on that "pisseth against the wall"! (KJV) I found that a graphic picture. Did they have one portion of the wall where they performed this function? And if so were any women allowed near it? (Later versions of the Bible simply record it as "all the males" but this picture has stayed with me from the time the KJV was our only source of information.
Deut. 23:13 where God tells the people of Israel to go outside the camp to relieve themselves. They are to carry something to dig with, dig a hole and cover it up. I have this vivid picture in my mind of 1.5 million people rolling out of bed on a morning before a long march, grabbing their little shovels and heading for the wild blue yonder. Did the women go north and the men go south, or were the sexes segregated? Did they carry reading material with them? (I think not, Phil! Are you sure you should be reading at such a time?) Can you imagine the pride of a little child on the morning he gets his first little shovel!
The other bodily function recorded in the Bible that has always intrigued me is one in Judges. I know it is there but I can't find it right now. It is the story of three men sitting on their mounts (I'm not sure if they are horses, camels or donkeys), but the Bible tells us that one of them "broke wind". (I was sure that that was the term that the KJV used, but my trusty computer concordance will not bring it up under those words.) The story continues without any reason being given for this piece of information. But I have always thought, "What a legacy! One moment in the life of this man frozen in time forever because it is recorded in the Bible - and this is the moment!" As Randall would say, "Go, figure!"
LOL.
ReplyDeleteWhere have I been the last couple days? I can't believe I missed this important topic. It's right up there with t-shirt slogans and evil piercings (the opposite of accepted piercings). Anyhoo, this seems to have set another record for comments. Randall, the only way to top this is to say something insulting about Strongbad.
Strongbad is evil, isn't he??
ReplyDeleteJustin;
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't so much a sign I posted on the door to, "Sit all Ye who enter Herein" as much as it was about potty training two boys.
I actually thought the thing through and decided to encourage the guys just to sit if there was a toilet.
Part of the motivation was also that I used to clean toilets for a living, in a public school. That'll motivate like nothing else will. I think I'm scarred for life.
RE: "Quite frankly, there are also lots of Christians who cuss, drink, are crude, are silly, and watch movies with raunchy sex scenes (the Bible is itself often pretty raunchy), and yet these people are more Christlike than I'll probably ever be."
ReplyDeleteIn Randall's response to Betty, he mentioned the fruit of the Spirit as found in Galatians 5:22. That verse follows after this, "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." (Gal. 5:19-21).
Putting aside moderate drinking, crudeness, and silliness, it seems to me that cursing and lust fit into the "acts of the sinful nature" list, not the "fruit of the Spirit" list (I for one tend to lust when watching raunchy sex scenes).
IMO, it's important to avoid legalism, but it's also important for the practising Christian to avoid antinomianism/license. In the moral relativism of the 21st century, I think the latter is more prevalent than the former.
I agree, Phil. Perhaps I should have stated it otherwise: it's not because of the cussing, drinking, etc. that "these" people (I'm not thinking of anyone in particular) are more Christlike than I am, it is in spite of these things.
ReplyDeleteIf I drop the "F-bomb", or happen to have too much to drink, or don't hit "fast forward" during certain parts of a movie doesn't make me a poor follower of Christ. That doesn't mean I shouldn't strive for holiness, of course. It just means that holiness has to do with more than my vocabulary or my drinking habits.