I was at the office, trying to put together the words I need to speak tomorrow, and nothing was coming. As I was thinking about the week and listening and praying, I needed to look up a verse so I was on the computer. I clicked a file that was the audio of my dad's funeral, and listened to my own words telling the story of my dad's life. I don't think I heard 4 words before I was gone. Gone, as in weeping or crying or blubbering or whatever it is that men do, I was doing it. And I was doing it full bore. Thankfully I had the privacy of my office, cause there was no stopping me.
The week's been bad that way, and I'm not completely sure what set it off. I suspect it was the surprising news of Covenant Bible College closing.
After working so hard as a board member, praying so often, travelling so many miles, to discover that it all wasn't enough. That really surprised me.
We were making the changes, adapting, shifting, listening to God and going where he led us. The disciples we were shaping were, and are an amazing bunch, lots of good fruit. But still we are closing.
Then, somewhere in the week I had one night where I just dreamt of extended family members dying. It was like a nightmare and I would wake up in a cold sweat, only to fall asleep and experience a similar dream. On and on it went all night long. I awoke exhausted.
Another night I kept waking up, clear as a bell, unable to return to sleep. I would get up and walk through the house, waiting, listening, watching, and not sleeping.
I've been preparing for next week too. I'm heading to Strathmore to be with CBC friends and co-workers. To give some "Pastoral care," though at this rate they may be giving me more than I them.
And here I am, on a sad overcast Saturday afternoon, tired to the bone.
Yep, life isn't fair and momma said there would be weeks like this, and things will get better, and don't put all your eggs in one basket, and (fit your own banal cliche in here).
It'll be ok and good even.
But even as I'm getting ready for tomorrow morning, I'm thinking these thoughts. They are true.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God"s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.
Indeed. And Amen.