This, is my first chance to blog all day. Itâ€™s 10:30 pm and since 8:30 am itâ€™s been full bore with people.
I didnâ€™t know the day would unfold the way it has, but there you go, and I am so tired.
Probably a good thing I didnâ€™t have a chance to blog earlier, mostly because I was so angry. And frustrated. And hurt.
I had three different conversations today, trying to help fix or heal or simply listen to damage that has been caused by a couple of the same people who attend the church I serve. The same small group, causing hurt, behaving in some really questionable ways. Leaving in their wake some disillusioned and really hurting individuals.
And when they are approached about their behavior, they donâ€™t see it, donâ€™t acknowledge it, and carry on.
I guess one of the reasons Iâ€™m angry is simply that they should know better, they should be wiser, but they legitimize their behavior because they are hurting and seem to want others to hurt too. Then younger people get hurt, and really if thatâ€™s what Christians are about who wantâ€™s any of it anyway.
I am frustrated because we work hard and pray and give ourselves to loving people and helping them find a spiritual home in this world. Then with a few words and a bad attitude, that work is undone by a few.
Iâ€™m hurt because they talk to my face differently than they talk behind my back. These are people I love and have invested in, poured out prayer and care for them and their families.
And in the end I know that it is my lot as a pastor to live this out. And I will continue to watch for moments to communicate this truth to them, as I have time after time in the past, that people see, and use them as examples of how to live, or how not to live. Unfortunately they are being sidelined more and more because of their poor choices.
And Iâ€™ve already been praying for them today, mostly to keep my heart pure before God, because honestly it would be really easy to get bitter about it all, which would place me just about in the same boat as they are.
I should add that in spite of this, or perhaps even because of it, the church is doing better than it has been for years. Unity is growing, people are changing, a good future is being plotted out and the sailing looks good.
If only days like this didnâ€™t take so much wind out of my sails.
Iâ€™m turning off the comments on this one mostly because I donâ€™t want a dog pile here. Also because if you think Iâ€™m becoming a complaining old fart you can email me in private and I can repent in public.
Hey, itâ€™s just a part of my life.