To say I have been distracted these past couple of weeks would be an understatement in the same vein as calling the Ark just a boat, or Brett Favre just a quarterback.
No, Lauralea and I, for a number of very good reasons, which don't concern you, have been worried/shocked/dumbfounded/surprised that Lauralea might be pregnant.
Yeah, there it is, its out there. No joke. Really.
Ten days of a growing realization that after 13 years of no new babies, and at the age of 43, we might get to do it all over again.
Cribs and snowsuits, diapers and baby constipation. Night feedings, colic, projectile vomiting, dirty diapers. 3 am crawling under the crib looking for lost soothers, learning to walk, eating the green stuff, learning ABC's and reading, tying shoelaces, runny noses, kindergarten, PTA, parent Tea's, band concerts, braces, teenage angst, teaching them to drive, oh my oh my oh my.
The shock to my 43 year old system nearly did me in!
In a way, it was a similar feeling process to when my dad died. Everything was rethought without him there. You know, suddenly you realize he wouldn't be there for Christmas and you stop and think what that looks like and you process that change.
Similarly, I found my days, nights, and middle of the nights processing the same things. Hmm, a new baby in the house, I won't be able to sleep like this, we'll need all the baby "stuff", what will our daily lives look like doing this again, and Christmas and babysitters and going to small group and simple things like going to a movie. My head was going faster than a Japanese bullet train.
And all that playing off the emotional joy that comes when a baby comes to live with you.
A roller coaster? Yes. Most definitely.
Terror and excitement at the same time? Absolutely.
Having children when your children might be having their own children a few years down the road? Well, embarrassing really. Yet not unpleasing.
As Lauralea and I talked it through, again and again, looking to one another for support, it seemed she was thinking similar things. A willingness to accept this as a part of our lives together, a joy at the prospect of a baby coming to live with us. And a deep sigh of relief when it proved to be false.
Oddly, its a sense of relief and sorrow that is left behind after a couple of weeks like this.
You live into so many possibilities during those days, good ones and difficult ones, that after the possibility is gone you are kind of left standing there with a stunned look on your face, and a weird mixed feeling of fullness and emptiness in your heart.
Sigh. Deep breath.
So yeah, anything exciting happen to you this month?
Oh, and you gotta know I already had a doosie of a practical joke set up for April 1.
God is good, and it seems, does have a sense of humor.