I find myself these days behaving a bit like Sherlock Holmes, searching for snippets and clues to the reason my spirit is disturbed.
Probably within only the past five years have I begun to be comfortable with the nature of my own personality. There is a sensitivity in there that I grew up in denial of, yet only recently have I begun to see it as who I am. I'm still learning how it works, how I work, and I am no longer in denial.
The nature of how I'm formed is simply one of sensitivity.
The more I walk in this new â€œUnderstandingâ€ of myself, the more I discover about me and how I fit in my surroundings.
And sometimes I am frustrated with this part of me.
Like today. My spirit is restless and a bit disturbed. It feels like I am picking up a vibe from many of the people I care for, that feels different or strange.
I am wondering if this sabbatical they have offered me this summer is part of the cause.
The last time a pastor had a sabbatical from here, he left the church within a year after his return. And hey, statistics play out that truth, that nearly 90% of pastors leave their church within a year of their sabbatical.
I wonder if people are pulling away perhaps, in self preservation.
But there is a subtle shift in the church here too.
It's a good thing, an achievement kind of thing.
It's a â€œWhat's next for us,â€ kind of thing.
So maybe that's it.
Or maybe its just that everyone has bad gas.
Whatever it is, it has me restless these days, looking for the source.
I don't like feeling like this, it makes me cranky. And I end up asking people more often than I probably should, how they're doing, as I sort out clues to our life and sense of things.
But I end up at the place of prayer. Praying for these people again. Praying for my family and myself and our future together. Praying for peace for my spirit, or the right direction to dig in.
I think I'll go find a quiet corner for a while, and just talk and listen.
That's always good.
P.S. Did you know that the complete phrase "Elementary, my dear Watson" does not appear in any of the 60 Holmes stories written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?
Well now you do.