It's an agonizing time when you feel your peers edging ahead and the cool people aren't seeking you out and almost every day somebody announces a cool new job, or a big romance, or the receipt of an awesome gift, some fresh kill from the jungle, and it depresses you. You don't want to be a loser. And you sense the fact that, in life, so much -- so very much -- is pure luck, no matter what they want you to think, and an angel may knock at your door in the person of a beggar, and you say No, and that No will resound for the rest of your born days. It is agonizing to think about.
It feels like that a lot around here these days. Looking, praying for a better fitting life, but finding more and more that the hard corners are being worn off yourself and you may end up fitting better but it hurts like crazy and you don't know if it will ever end this side of glory.
Garrison gave some new words to my inside struggles.
He can be good like that.