These weeks of intensive are fairly named, but aside from the class work, there is always this deep intensive self work going on too.
It's a time of focused openness to God, and a time of vulnerability as your peers poke and test some of your internal processes as you offer direction for others. It's not done with any sense of heaviness or judgment because they do care, and besides, their turn will come next. But they help give eyes to things you may not realize you are doing, or help you face the things you are running from.
It is a time of being brought to your internal processes or sometimes defense mechanisms, and you are encouraged to look there, and go there and see what there is there. It can be exhausting, yet I mostly like it so that I can see what's there. I don't always trust my own judgment about myself.
Tonight, after an exposed day, I'm thinking why I have struggled to allow my feelings a respectable place at the table. No, I'm not a touchy feely guy, and I'm ok with that, we all are not the same. And to be sure, I've come a loooooong way with that all. It's just that some of that Loooooong way is only surface and underneath it all, feelings are still not a legitimate player in me.
I sometimes diminish my or other peoples feelings I guess because I consider them invalid or weak or something. Yet they can be the most profound indicators of the condition of the soul. My nun tells me that feelings are indicators of the state of the soul, and she may be right. Probably is. But I still have a ways to go.
I feel like I want to sing "Feelings, whoa whoa whoa Feelings...."
Anyway, you are not my shrink, nor is this space. It's just what's going on in my head, miles away from home, after tons of hard work.
Tomorrow is more evaluations and reviews and a supper out with the class. Then I think we are heading down to millennium park for a concert and fireworks.
But best of all, Lauralea is arriving sometime tomorrow. Then we'll have to see about all these "Feelings."
Good nite from Hot humid Chicago.