You should be in bed by now, and fast asleep.
I sweat so much today, think I should have lost like 8 pounds. Most of the day was about the funeral I officiated at. Now, think of me in my black suit, with black shirt and black tie and black undershirt, and the outside temperature was about 28C. Add to that that the church air conditioning was broken, and the trip out to the cemetery 30 minutes north of the city was in a limo with a broken air conditioner and there you go. Me sitting in a puddle.
For a multitude of reasons, this funeral took between 12 and 15 hours to prep for and walk through. That felt like a long time to me, but you do what you gotta do to be ready for it. I know it isnâ€™t about the amount of time for us, because weâ€™re not about the volume of product we get out the door. I know that, and I get that.
After the funeral I ran up to the hospital where one of our people had just undergone surgery and I hadnâ€™t been aware of it. She wasnâ€™t doing really well, and she was hurting and lost and alone and I stayed with her a while. We prayed and she wanted me to come again, which I promised before I remembered Iâ€™m already on day three of my holidays. Iâ€™ll need to fulfil my promises somehow.
I left ICU and as I was walking past the waiting area I enjoyed a moment in the air conditioned bliss. I collapsed into a chair, undid my tie and leaned back, closed my eyes and realized Iâ€™m not 25 any longer.
Iâ€™m not doing things like I did back then. Iâ€™m not doing as many things or as fast. No, Iâ€™m surely not 65 yet, but I realized I am exactly in between. Iâ€™m 45.
So, I am smarter, and I do better work because I am more experienced, but itâ€™s a trade off for youthful energy and zeal and ignorance.
What mad designer made it work like this.
â€œOh, you can be youthful and full of energy and life and be stupid, or you can be wise and experienced and insightful and slow.â€
â€¦yeah, the blue pill or the red one.
I think I like this place better, but the promise to go up to the hospital to visit people while on my holidays indicates that I may still be stupid.
Either that, or Iâ€™m beginning to realize how growing older can be just a really scary, lousy time, and nobody should have to be alone when it hurts and your body is failing you and your mind is fast following your body.
Yes there are some perks with aging. But there are some penalties too.
Iâ€™m just not yet sure if itâ€™s a fair trade off.