Hey, what are you still doing up??

Thursday, August 07, 2008

You should be in bed by now, and fast asleep.

I sweat so much today, think I should have lost like 8 pounds. Most of the day was about the funeral I officiated at. Now, think of me in my black suit, with black shirt and black tie and black undershirt, and the outside temperature was about 28C. Add to that that the church air conditioning was broken, and the trip out to the cemetery 30 minutes north of the city was in a limo with a broken air conditioner and there you go. Me sitting in a puddle.

For a multitude of reasons, this funeral took between 12 and 15 hours to prep for and walk through. That felt like a long time to me, but you do what you gotta do to be ready for it. I know it isn’t about the amount of time for us, because we’re not about the volume of product we get out the door. I know that, and I get that.

After the funeral I ran up to the hospital where one of our people had just undergone surgery and I hadn’t been aware of it. She wasn’t doing really well, and she was hurting and lost and alone and I stayed with her a while. We prayed and she wanted me to come again, which I promised before I remembered I’m already on day three of my holidays. I’ll need to fulfil my promises somehow.

I left ICU and as I was walking past the waiting area I enjoyed a moment in the air conditioned bliss. I collapsed into a chair, undid my tie and leaned back, closed my eyes and realized I’m not 25 any longer.

I’m not doing things like I did back then. I’m not doing as many things or as fast.  No, I’m surely not 65 yet, but I realized I am exactly in between. I’m 45.

So, I am smarter, and I do better work because I am more experienced, but it’s a trade off for youthful energy and zeal and ignorance.

What mad designer made it work like this.

“Oh, you can be youthful and full of energy and life and be stupid, or you can be wise and experienced and insightful and slow.”

…yeah, the blue pill or the red one.

I think I like this place better, but the promise to go up to the hospital to visit people while on my holidays indicates that I may still be stupid.

Either that, or I’m beginning to realize how growing older can be just a really scary, lousy time, and nobody should have to be alone when it hurts and your body is failing you and your mind is fast following your body.

Yes there are some perks with aging. But there are some penalties too.

I’m just not yet sure if it’s a fair trade off.


  1. Nope, neither fair, nor even a trade off, since we don't get a choice.

    Stuff old age. My father and his father probably had the right idea, dying while relatively young. I don't want to be like my mum's father, expecting to be significant in the church and finding instead he had no idea what was going on: lost and angry. I'll run with whatever I'm given, but old age is deeply unattractive from a users POV.

    Have a good whatever little remains of your non-time-off. Busman? You should be.

  2. Yeah old age, ok it's a little bit further away for me than some others but having seen 2 of my Great Grandparents stop living and just exist it's not appealing. Saying that my Great Grandad was 96/97 and had all his marbles and was fully mobile up to about 6 months before he finally headed home and that doesn't sound too bad.

  3. Dell and I are in our mid 50's, (reverse your age numbers for me and then add 2 years for Dell) and now we are more relaxed about the aging thing. I did nearly 12 years of eldercare and while it could be looked on as depressing, it actually blessed me with a freedom to give up the consumerism addiction. I saw all these wonderful older people who spent their lives actively pursuing and collecting all things material and then, after only a brief few years of enjoying it all, began the process of giving it all away again. It saved me from my own greed in many ways, and gave me freedom to deal with having less "stuff"....amazing freedom.


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