Tuesday, April 14, 2009
sometimes I make myself crazy.

It just feels like I'm waiting these days.
Waiting for something but I don't know what.
Waiting for the next, or the arrival, or departure.
I don't know what, but it just feels like I'm waiting.

And when I'm waiting I just get impatient, and that gets me in a lousy head space.

Think, waiting in a long lineup and when you get to the front you find out you are in the wrong line.

So anger is there, and frustration. I mean there are only so many little things you can do to keep yourself occupied while you wait, before you freak on the next guy in line.
Or mutter, or grunt.

I think life is mostly about waiting. Waiting for the right job or spouse or whatever. And you do stuff today so that you are present in this space and time. That's just healthy, for the most part.
I get that.

But this is a most unique feeling, like my insides want to crawl out and freak.

Waiting for what I don't know, for whenever it arrives.
But I should know it's arrival because my insides should be at peace again.


  1. mhm.

    I could respond about contentment, but it wouldn't be genuine at the moment.

    But I think what I am learning in my current waiting is about relinquishing control. And realizing who is in control. Which doesn't evaporate the impatience but it brings some peace to release the anger and frustration.

    Most of the time, that is.

    Isaiah 40:31 comes to mind.


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