Tired to the core

Well my children I think it only resonable to confess that I am tired. I think that today I managed 10 hours of wakefullness before I needed a nap. That bugs me because I'm so tired of health excuses. The Doctors here are pretty sure my flu was pork related, H1N1, and have told me to expect at least a month to begin to return to health. I'm tired physically and all this ongoing draging about frustrates me emotionally and spiritually. I want to go and be and do without these silly physical limitations, and I can't.

Truth is, I'm afraid of who I become when I have physical limitations, so I guess I keep fighting them and their presence. Back of it all is still the reality of growing back and leg pain that I'm trying to learn to live with and I'm afraid of how that will direct my life. Or change it.

No I've never been able to do the rope climb or do a hundred pushups, or run a 20k race, but I've never been limited physically in the work that I've done either. These days I find myself wondering if that's where I end up.

So the physical wears on the emotional which wears on the relational, or so it seems for me.

The good things are that there are good things to learn in this part of my life that i'd never have opportunity to learn anywhere else. Another good thing is that the flu was only a nasty flu for me. In Alberta today another five people died as a result of the flu.

Now I'm rolling over and going to sleep, with all my "tired" baggage.

Night.

Comments

  1. Those physical limitations are the worst but especially when there is productivity to be had.

    I empathize and wish you speedy convalescence.

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  2. Steve has been struggling with this head cold for almost a month now. He goes to bed around 8 or so every night.

    Here's hoping you both can shake it off and feel better soon!

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  3. Actually Jay, I've been thinking about you a lot lately.

    You inspire and encourage me.

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  4. Thanks Randall.

    Between your brother and sister here & your blog, I see your family's physical struggles. A person just has to keep on keeping on and try to understand that those times of illness may be time to rest.

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  5. "Truth is, I’m afraid of who I become when I have physical limitations, so I guess I keep fighting them and their presence. Back of it all is still the reality of growing back and leg pain that I’m trying to learn to live with and I’m afraid of how that will direct my life. Or change it."

    What's the cause of that pain? I had both those for a week or so with this round of flu, though they dispersed eventually with rest.

    We've recently changed our bed, and also (recently) my pillow, because we were both getting pains in shoulders, backs and various joints. About 3 weeks in we are starting to think there's a difference. Might be worth investigating.

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  6. Toni, I've rarely mentioned it but in late July I Slipped in the shower and a day or so later woke up with bad back pain. Over two weeks it morphed into a sharp lower back and left leg pain which would make my leg go completely numb.

    It's been diagnosed as a bulging disk pressing against a nerve going into my leg. Doc was hoping it might get better on it's own, but nothing yet. In fact it's been a bit worse lately. Worst pain is standing, second worst is walking. I am concerned how it goes when the snow and ice is here.

    So that's a new twist on life. I've never experienced regular, ongoing pain like this before.

    Guys like Jay just get on with life in spite of wheelchairs and all that go along with them. He inspires me because things could be much tougher. And even if tougher, life can be lived.

    Anyway, that's about it, painwise.

    :)

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