"I am a simple preacher"

I wrote that today while I was in a used bookshop looking for a good poetry book and that thought just descended on me.  It was like an epiphany almost, I am a simple preacher. Or perhaps it was more like, I'm simply a preacher. That's all, that's it. 

I'm not sure if it's a Randall thing or a guy thing or a human thing that sometimes drives me to be more than I am or to do more than I'm doing with my life. You know? I sometimes make myself crazy when I get to thinking that I need to be more or do more or get more accomplished with my life.

Then a  sign drops while I'm standing in a bookstore that declares that I am nothing but a simple preacher and quit trying to be more because it's not gonna work anyway.

I gotta say, it's humbling. But its not disheartening or overwhelming.

There is some level of peace and rest in that simple truth, that this is what it is I am and was always called to be. If I can have internal peace with it.

I think the epiphany about it is that my attitude has always been "I'm just doing this pastoring thing till something better comes along." I've used that language with people as a way of saying I'll do this until God, who led me into it, leads me out of it.

 But it's also maybe created in me a beneath the surface activity of looking for the other thing or the more thing that I could do, instead of or along with being a pastor. 

Always striving, always trying, always looking to spin who I am, to create more value or meaning. Then a sign comes to remind me that I am simply a preacher, that's enough.

That's enough indeed.
Now to learn to live into that, and to live well.


2 comments:

  1. Have you been pondering the addage "Be all that you can be!" And maybe a bit more? It has been a struggle this moving through the seasons there in the field. Trying to find your way into and through situations and getting into closer relationships with your flock. It all seems overwhelming and maybe this reminder from God is what you need as we embark on the season of Advent.

    I've been reading a lot of Mother Teresa as of late and two thoughts come to mind these days, One - that we must abandon ourselves to God completely and without reservation. And secondly that God Thirsts for our love, our suffering and our sacrifice. She had an incredible conscious contact with her God and she obeyed him without any second thought, even in her own personal darkness she longed to hear his voice and to serve him without fail. God loves us with all that he is. If we only stop for a moment to ponder that God Thirsts for us.

    You have conscious contact with your God and it seems he has spoken to you with a challenge. Randall, This is who you are, today, tomorrow and until further notice. I think he let you off the hook, because you say that you've been looking for the next right thing. And God has said to you, or reminded you that this is who you are today. And that that is good for Him.

    The field calls you to her as the season changes and winter comes. The people will need a shepherd to lead them through this season, and if you are preoccupied with searching for more than you are, you might miss what you need to be right now.

    Abandon yourself to God, completely and without reservation. Sink into the embrace of God as he has spoken your call to you and let him be your guide. You can be who you are and more if you ponder that God needs you to be where you are for now. And that he thirsts for your love, your suffering and your sacrifice. Open your heart and let it all go and take each day as it comes to you in the field.

    I promise you that He hears you and from time to time he even speaks to you directly.

    How lucky a man you are... Blessed!

    Jeremy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good words Jeremy. Thanks for them.

    and yes, I am well blessed indeed.

    ReplyDelete

I'm moderating all the comments these days.
I'll release your comment as soon as I've seen it.

Thanks.