It comes at night, this heaviness of heart.
Often when the day is over and there is nothing left to be done, it comes. I sit down to rest, and it appears.
Like a dark cloud it comes and I see before me my failures and my faults. I hear the voices of those who think I've done them wrong. I wonder about the things I could have done differently.
It's just heavy. And condemning.
Even after days like today, when I feel at least like I've been faithful to what I've been asked to talk about with the people. Even when my conscious is clear. Even when I don't have any reason to feel heavy hearted. Still it comes.
No, not every night, but often enough to tire me out, and discourage me.
When I'm not weary I can fight it. I fight it with truth and light because it comes as lies and darkness. But often I just bear it until I'm able to sleep.
The next morning usually brings light itself and the darkness has been dispelled.
Generally I've come to understand it as just a part of the Randall Friesen experience.
In a few hours the light will come again and things will be ok.
But tonight I'm tired.