That may seem like insecurity, and I'm ok wearing that title. But it is also the sort of thing that is concerned with the well being of my family and my heart. You can lay the title of concerned father on me too.
So one of the small things I did when we moved in here, was to keep the boxes. Break them down and fold them up and store them in the garage. I do that as well when we purchase something new for the house or work here, I keep the boxes, ...for when we need to pack up and move.
Well, we're nearly done six years here. I know, it's hard to believe. Six years, and there's no indication that it's time to move on.
This sixth year has been about Lauralea and I praying and asking about ways to be here more deeply. To not be the transient people who live in the church house, who come with the church. That's not an easy thing to accomplish when your whole community is based on the place you live in the house provided for you by the church.
Then yesterday evening I had an epiphany as I was cleaning out the garage. It came on my third trip to the bin with crushed boxes which I had just decided needed to go. I realized I was throwing out boxes, burning bridges, abandoning my escape plan. I became aware of the fact that I don't need an escape hatch right now.
Then I remembered how days before I was ready to nail a fresh nail in the center of a wall to hang a picture. After six years I was ready to put a new hole in a wall, and as many as are needed for that matter. Hmm, that's a change.
And now even as I write this, Lauralea has left on a trip down the road to the Garden and Flower Shop to purchase a Plum tree and a cherry tree/bush whatever to plant in our yard. Fruit trees. For planting in (someone elses) our yard.
This is good. It means that yes we are settling in and God is answering prayer, and yes maybe we do belong here more than we feel like we do on the bad days.
And I believe that that settledness passes on to the people. Though nothing new is observed, something is transferred in the unseen. Trust grows, people listen, change happens, life increases, community flourishes.
So it seems we are making a home here. Finally.