What's a vacation for?

Some time I will tell you all about my summer vacation. For now, have a laugh at Garrison Keillor's idea of a summer vacation.

As a child, I was instructed to look out the window of a moving car and appreciate the beautiful scenery, with the result that now I don't care much for nature. I prefer parks, ones with lots of people with radios and a pop stand selling hot dogs and Eskimo Pies. I believe that most people would agree with me, whether they dare say so or not.

Deserted rocky coastlines are not that interesting, or beaches: you just wind up staring at the ocean, a blank screen, and wondering if you should check your e-mail. Forests are nothing but trees. Deserts are beautiful for about fifteen minutes, but they're always located out in the middle of nowhere. And they're teeming with deadly snakes. As for mountains, an occasional range is nice, but after awhile it becomes a sort of continuous piece of Bad Art, like a painting you'd see at the periodontist's. And mountain people are such a pain. They make you feel bad for coming. Vermonters, Coloradoans, Montanans, Utahovians --- they all tend to be very sniffy about who is worthy to set foot in their midst and use their toilet facilities. In Minnesota, we are astonished and gratified if anyone visits us, we can't do enough for them, but then this is a flat state and we are Christian people.

Read the rest, here.