"How do we make our deaths gifts for others? Very often people's lives are destroyed, harmed, or permanently wounded by the deaths of their relatives or friends. We have to do whatever we can to avoid this. When we are near death what we say to those who are close to us, whether in spoken or in written words, is very important. When we express gratitude to them, ask forgiveness for our shortcomings and offer forgiveness for theirs, and express our sincere desire that they continue their lives without remorse but remembering the graces of our lives, then our deaths can become true gifts."
Henri Nouwen
A friend of my Dad's committed suicide last week, leaving behing a shattered wife, a devastated mother and a 7 month old who will never remember his Dad, except for the damage that will inevitably be inflicted on him as he grows and comes face to face with the reality of his father's choice.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how different things could have been if he could have read this or have somehow seen the depth of the wounds inflicted by his choice.
Great stuff, Randall.
Very good quote. The first thing that came to mind was-"What if you die unexpectedly?" Perhaps we should put these suggestions into practice in our everyday life.
ReplyDeleteDamn, Christy...
ReplyDeleteI try to think of a better word to use, but I can't. Really.
The words that come when you stand with a wife, or you sit with the 14 year old girl who found her dad after he killed himself, are the curse this inflicts on those left behind. damn damn damn.
I know life gets unbearable sometimes, I know that. But if people could see what I see when I get called to the scene or the hospital and all that is left are hollow, empty shells of humanity in those left behind...
they would see that it's all damned.
I agree with KL, we need to learn to live better lives, today.
It's at least partially thinking on these lines that have kept both Chris and I here. Suicide is probably the most selfish and brutal thing an ordinary person can do to those around them.
ReplyDeleteBut there's a wider context too, as KL observed. We need short accounts and to offer warmth, love and forgiveness to those around us. I appreciate my mother, who knowing that her life is fragile has always worked to maintain the best and closest relationships with us that she can. Contrast Chris's Grandmother, who always tried to set her family up one against another, and even managed to make them fall out over the very little she left behind when she died.