Tonight the snow is gently falling on a muted dark background, it"s beautiful. I"m tempted to go downtown and take some pictures - perfect night for black and white shots in the rain and snow.
And all the more perfect since I spent the day cleaning out the gutters and exchanging the summer gear for the winter. I think we are ready although we may need another shovel or two. Looks like those snow removers we had last winter were on their last legs when we put them away for the summer things.
Put away the bench Hillary made, then I put away her bike and thought of her and how tough it is to grow up. Put away Johanna"s bike and saw the bent brake handle which reminded me of the day she got hit by the car...
Put away the two garden spades. They"re both still covered from the clay and dirt from dad"s grave.
I was glad to be able to do the work alone today. With the skies gray and cloudy and the temperature only 1 degree, and all these surprising memories, it was good to be alone.
Easy tears today too. I dunno if they came because of the day, or if the day lead me to them, but there they are. A commercial on tv and a song on the radio and there I go, all watery in the eyes.
I don"t wish my family back here the way it used to be. I just wish it wasn"t so, different. Or so hard.
So much of our identity seems to be tied into how we connect with those closest to us. Half the kids move away, and you"re the guy with two kids at home. Your parent dies and you"re the guy with no dad. You live within these sets of people and relationships and then they change and you"re left standing there with the question, who am I without ________ around.
Today I was just glad to be the gutter cleaner and yard cleaner-upper.
Now just the windows need plastic on them and off we go, into winter.