They say that dreams can sometimes tell what's going on inside someone's head or perhaps even their heart. Or it means you're pregnant. Since we have settled that question with a clear NO, it seems that my emotional well being is shuffling around in a hospital in Saskatoon.
Last night I had an ongoing nightmare that would wake me up, then I'd go back to sleep, and continue the dream. That alone was weird.
In the dream I was so tired, and wanted to talk with a Dr. about getting some rest, so I went down to the hospital to chat with a Doctor. Before I knew what was happening, I was admitted on a 21 day certificate, for evaluation.
They took my clothes and gave me hospital pajamas to wear, and I was a little freaked out by my loss of choice and even my willingness to be admitted. They assigned me a bed and they had to send a rather large orderly to have a "Chat" with me about taking my meds and how it was his job to get me to take them. I enquired about their name and what they were to do, but he wouldn't tell me because that would weaken his position.
Against my wishes I began to take the meds. Big phosphorus horse pills that would make me foam at the mouth.
I knew it was Saturday and I knew I had to lead the service the following day, at church, but I couldn't get out of there. In defeat I had to call Lauralea and get her to call the church chairman and tell them I was in the hospital, embarrassed about telling them which part of the hospital I was in.
It was a really fearful time in there. I began to doubt my own mental health, and to question whether I was indeed as needy of being seperated from the world as they seemed to think I should be.
This fear of loss of personal control eventually woke me up in a sweat.
I was able to get back to sleep after a bit, and found myself back in the ward.
The shuffling around in hospital PJ's continued, and I began to get a few letters, from Lauralea. But it seemed they had taken my glasses because I had difficulty reading them except for bringing them up close to my face.
I felt so lonely and filled with self doubt, about my abilities and my emotional health.
It was very frightening, and I woke up again.
If this keeps up I'm going to have to start my own category on "Dreams."