Open Wide...

Monday, April 02, 2007
They say that dreams can sometimes tell what's going on inside someone's head or perhaps even their heart. Or it means you're pregnant. Since we have settled that question with a clear NO, it seems that my emotional well being is shuffling around in a hospital in Saskatoon.

Last night I had an ongoing nightmare that would wake me up, then I'd go back to sleep, and continue the dream. That alone was weird.

In the dream I was so tired, and wanted to talk with a Dr. about getting some rest, so I went down to the hospital to chat with a Doctor. Before I knew what was happening, I was admitted on a 21 day certificate, for evaluation.

They took my clothes and gave me hospital pajamas to wear, and I was a little freaked out by my loss of choice and even my willingness to be admitted. They assigned me a bed and they had to send a rather large orderly to have a "Chat" with me about taking my meds and how it was his job to get me to take them. I enquired about their name and what they were to do, but he wouldn't tell me because that would weaken his position.

Against my wishes I began to take the meds. Big phosphorus horse pills that would make me foam at the mouth.

I knew it was Saturday and I knew I had to lead the service the following day, at church, but I couldn't get out of there. In defeat I had to call Lauralea and get her to call the church chairman and tell them I was in the hospital, embarrassed about telling them which part of the hospital I was in.
It was a really fearful time in there. I began to doubt my own mental health, and to question whether I was indeed as needy of being seperated from the world as they seemed to think I should be.

This fear of loss of personal control eventually woke me up in a sweat.

I was able to get back to sleep after a bit, and found myself back in the ward.

The shuffling around in hospital PJ's continued, and I began to get a few letters, from Lauralea. But it seemed they had taken my glasses because I had difficulty reading them except for bringing them up close to my face.

I felt so lonely and filled with self doubt, about my abilities and my emotional health.

It was very frightening, and I woke up again.

If this keeps up I'm going to have to start my own category on "Dreams."

1 comment

  1. I'm so glad to hear someone else has these types of nightmares (I chronicled mine just today on my blog). Good to know I'm not insane... or at least there are more crazy people in this world than just me. Ha.


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