On people who don't let you grow up

Alright my children, here is the lesson for the day.

There are times in our lives when we leave our normal routines and even our physical locations for other places and during those times away we really experience growth and personal development. Then we return to our normal circumstances, with our old friends and family.

We come back significantly different people than when we left because we really are bigger people. We've experienced more, we've been shaped and honed and learned a thing or two along the way.

As we return we find that some of our old friends are excited for us and are pleased with us and who we've become. But more difficult and sad is that there are people who are not ready for us to have grown. They don't give us room to be who we've become, but rather continue to try to restrict us into old spaces and ways we used to be. That is unfair.

They treat us the same way they used to treat us, and expect us to respond in the same old ways. But we aren't the same people we once were. We have grown and are internally pleased with that growth, as we should be. So when an old friend refuses to recognize how we've developed, it just really hurts inside and we don't know what to do.

For some, it just takes a bit of time and readjustment to the new you. If they love you then they will work at creating space for you to be who you've become.

Sunrise Maybe you are reading this and you've changed for the better, but some of your friends don't get it, yet. Patience grasshopper. Don't sell off the new you because your friends or family can't process it quickly enough. Give them a bit of time to process the good changes you are living into. And keep living into the better you. The temptation is sometimes there to give up on who you've become and just revert to the old, lesser you. That's not good, because it just isn't. So don't do it.

Or maybe you are reading this and your friend has changed a lot, and it seems they have changed for the better, but you miss the other person. Maybe they used to behave very poorly and now they don't and they want to show you that they have changed. Or worse yet, perhaps you liked them the way they used to be because they were worse than you were, and now they are not.

Let. Them. Be. Changed.

Create space for them to be different. Don't try to impose your yesterday's understanding of them today. Don't try to force them into a mold they no longer fit. Be gracious. Celebrate with them. If need be, grow up yourself.

Of course they are not perfect and they will occasionally slip back into old ways as they are learning the new ones. But if you are their friend or family, you want for their best anyway, don't you?

Personal development is tough enough without having people in your life who you thought cared for you but now they don't want to give you room to be yourself.

We all need people in our corner who care about us and will support us and give us room to grow

Lets be those people.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for expressing my feelings when I could not.

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  2. "Personal development is tough enough without having people in your life who you thought cared for you but now they donĂ¢€™t want to give you room to be yourself." -- Yep. Needed to hear that.

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  3. I think sometimes when people change the ones that are so called left behind feel kind of at a loss,. What was a comfort zone for them with their friend is now unchartered waters. Feeling of "am I still good enough and do my "old friends" still want me around?, fear of being rejected by the friends and the changes that they themselves have to make in the relationship. So, maybe it's all about them and their issues and not so much about you....:)

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  4. I also needed to hear that . One home from CBC and one home from camp staff all summer and both in a different space from when they left. Change for the better but now they need our love and acceptance of that change.

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