I was going to write a great post but I forget what it was about.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008
which seems to be the status quo around here these days.

My memory is slipping like my new smooth bottomed shoes on the black iced roads downtown.

For example, yesterday while visiting with a sick individual, for whatever reason in trying to relate to their situation I had my father-in-law in surgery for a double knee replacement. Well, at least in my head anyway. Then minutes later as my memory kicked in again I blurted out that it wasn't double knee replacement, it was a mole removal or something like that.

I still am searching for ways to deal with the empty tank syndrome. You would think that with the news on Monday that things would just top up nicely. But not.

Then I feel guilty for that. 

And tomorrow I am on the road for an eight hour drive, I have board meetings this week. And I'm not looking forward to the day as much as I usually do. 

Feels a bit lost, and deeply frustrating.


Perhaps I am trying to treat my need for two new knees, with a simple mole removal. And it isn't enough. 

isn't nearly.




  1. Hey. 87 days of uncertainty cannot be turned completely around with one phone call. No emotional tank can be filled by the push of 7 buttons on a phone pad. Your normal is different now then it ever has been before - and that is okay. And, it's okay to give yourself time to find the normal that works for you.
    Thinking of you and your family. Maybe that 8 hour drive will be some good time to think and pray and clear your head. I do believe in a God of miracles.

  2. I wonder if when one is gearing oneself up to handle the worst possible news so much mental and emotional energy is used up that when good news comes, there is a sort of vacuum that you implode into, energy wise. If the news had been hard you would have carried on at the old level of fortitude and made it through. With good news some readjustment is needed. You have no obvious need to maintain that high level of strength within yourself so you let yourself begin to relax and your brain does not quite know what to do. Stress of a different sort maybe; the stress of letting all that stuff go, of getting back into normal mode, which for you is going to be moving into a different kind of stress - gearing up for a wedding, grad, etc.

    A few forgetful moments should not be surprising. We can grant you a few of those.

    Maybe you need a day or two off, days off that are not filled with Dr's office waiting rooms and hospitals.

  3. Hmmm,

    good thoughts there.

    I need to soak on that a bit.


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