God?

God be in my head,
and in my understanding;
God be in mine eyes,
and in my looking;
God be in my mouth,
and in my speaking;
God be in my heart,
and in my thinking;
God be at mine end,
and at my departing.


There are times and seasons of life when one simply hangs on for the ride and throws to the wind any hope of safe landing. You trust in past God connections and remember previous histories to gain you safe passage through the blinding turbulences of the present. Then the sky clears a bit and you can see again the light of day and lift up your head and wonder if this is heaven or if you just made it through the rough patch, still with your person intact.

I don't suppose that for those who look on from the outside anything appears amiss. From the distance it all looks good and that things are alright, and I suppose to an extent that is true and real. But sometimes the inner fight is just as great and tumultuous, though less acknowledged especially by those who fight that fight.

That is why the prayer above has been mine these days. Holding on inside for dear life. Waiting for normal to arrive again.

It is a humbling journey this interior one, that leads through so many different patches. And amidst this most difficult season I have experienced a wise and powerful God speaking words out of my mouth and granting me direction to stumble into his provision in spite of and perhaps because of my weakness.

Sometimes one feels so weak and so heavy inside that it gets overwhelming. And you and I need to remember that that is ok. Life is filled with ease and difficulty, good and bad. But somehow it's easier to acknowledge that one has a broken leg than it is to realize that it's the middle of the day yet inside yourself it seems like dusk.

For times like this for people like me a good written prayer can help give words where there are only feelings.

So yes, God be in my head, and in my understanding;
God be in mine eyes, and in my looking;
God be in my mouth, and in my speaking;
God be in my heart, and in my thinking;
God be at mine end, and at my departing.


If this is a prayer you can use too, then good on you. Use the words, make them your own and blessings to you.


amen.

Comments

  1. Bless you as you battle through a "dark night of the soul." We are glad we are not alone in this present time of inward struggle, but sorry to read you are also struggling along for the moment. I have hauled out our old Book of Common Prayer and reminding myself of the awesome prayers as my husband and I head to a bit of a scary new ministry position.
    The Lord be with you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ...and also with you, as you guys begin this next step.

    No indeed you are not alone in your struggle.

    I wrestled a good deal with should I hit post or not and my final decision was that others go through such times too. It's ok, a part of life.

    Hang in there Sue.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I commend you for hitting post - I'm not sure if I'd have had the courage to do so.

    Which isn't to say that what you're walking through is something to be hidden, just a reflection that the minister who is open about the depths as well as the heights is still exceptional.

    You're exceptional to God too - let God do the holding and healing you need. All will be well.

    ReplyDelete

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