Kids talking, working, sleeping on a bench. Listening to music or playing a guitar. Eating a bagel or drinking black coffee. Buying supplies, studying together, comparing notes from last night. The energy in the place was just, well, animated. Well, except for the guy passed out on the bench with his backpack for a pillow.
And I thought, just for a brief moment, how I'd like to go back and do more study. More research more learning and certainly engage in more ah ha moments of discovery.
And then I needed to go to the washroom, and I saw myself in a mirror.
I felt so instantly old.
Just now, when I have the self confidence. When I'm ok with myself and have figured out a couple of life's big questions. When the formal education wouldn't be lost on me. I suddenly get old.
That's the story of my life. Arriving late to the parties, mostly because I'm a slow learner.
So maybe it's just as well I don't go back to school.
I'm still a slow learner.
Me too, for the old part.
ReplyDeleteIt feels a little like life has been dashing past, no matter how I resist it. Suddenly I'm a 50-something in a church of 40-70 somethings instead of 30 in 20-50 somethings. A couple of weeks back on the ebola training course they took a group photo, and I'm the sole greybeard in the group (even the 2 group leaders looked younger).
And just when I forget I go for a run & remind myself all over again, with little memory prompts from the body over the following week.
There's a prototype blog post I half wrote about real faith and real experience of God and growing older, partly provoked by a story about RT Kendall. I really miss the simplicity of being young, not having to think further than what God wants to do with me next or who I might meet and how God might speak, how He might break in. Life gets cluttered with stuff: the need to do or not do, what the future will hold, am I building up or tearing down. I too miss the buzz and energy of being that age where it's all new and you have all your mistakes and successes ahead.
Loved those moments. Such great memories - lots of work, lots of learning, lots of enjoying the moment. :)
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