Learning again the deep graces of being loved

Monday, January 15, 2018
It has been a week now since my last post.
Hah, "Last Post."

It sure felt like that sometimes.
The week brought three urgent painful trips to emergency, one emergency transportation to a larger hospital for surgery, hospitalization, pain, and all the fun stuff with that.

Presently I am waiting for a call from the Dr. who did the surgery, but it seems they couldn't reach the stone or blast it, but they inserted a stent to coax it down. I'll have to repeat that surgery in a week or two or three. But we are managing with pain meds now and I am at home where I can pee through the pain.

But in the week, blissfully medicated yet clear enough to write, I wrote:

"These past five days feel like five weeks. They’ve been all about hospital Emergency departments, injections, X-rays, CT scans, kidney stones, tilted beds, IV’s, blood pressure and oxygen saturation rates, “What’s your full name and birth date?” Operating rooms, “Breathe in deeply,” nausea, and nurses each shift I could call by first name. Kim. Kim was the best. She saved my life with warmed blankets and love. She sat with me stroking my head when the IV meds couldn’t even stop the pain. What a mercy she was to me."

I've relearned the power of love again this week. From Nurse Kim, and family, and friends.
Now I'm learning how to be a patient, the receiver of care and not the giver of it.
If I hadn't had such immediate and overwhelming pain, I might have missed this opportunity to receive such real grace.

I am deeply grateful for such love, even more so when I can't reciprocate it.

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