I am a Friesen. I don't stop when I'm tired. I stop when I'm done.

This morning as I was checking on the church's social media account, this picture popped up on my screen. This evil, dark demonic picture just sat there, mocking me. Someone wanted me to purchase it. 

My tongue is only partly in my cheek. 

This is one of my besetting sins, my comfort when I feel vulnerable. I could always say in every situation that I faced that I gave it everything I had.  You might be able to accuse me of getting it wrong, or of missing the mark, or of failing again, and again, but it gave me comfort that you would never be able to say that I didn't try. And try very hard. 

This is the attitude that God has been in the process of delivering me from for five or six years now.  And I am a very slow learner. Working hard isn't wrong, but when that hard work becomes your identity and your protection, it is wrong. 

It seems now like my health is being used to help me learn this lesson.  This year it has become apparent that if I am doing chores or shovelling, or sweeping or vacuuming, or studying or leading a meeting or whatever, instead of stopping when I'm halfway done, I press in to get it all done.  And then I drag my sorry broken body to bed. 

Yesterday morning I had a meeting in town, and then I ran a few errands for the church. I got home a little after noon and my plan was to go to the office to work on my sermon for the day. But by the time I got to the middle of the afternoon my body was hollering enough. Enough.

As is my wont, I told my body I'm going to the office anyway and to suck it up. I went to the washroom. By the time I went to put on my shoes, the room was spinning a bit and the tiredness yelled at me again for attention. I admitted ok. Ok I'm going to bed. I slipped off my shoes and went to bed and slept for 2-3 hours.

I've been journalling about this a lot lately because its becoming more and more my life. Tuesday I slept for 2-3 hours and Monday about 1-2. Sunday was somewhere from 1-3 hours.  I'm just so tired and the things I do and the stress I experience add to my need to rest myself Thank God the church is good with it, now If I could only be. 

So when I saw that T-shirt facing me this morning I grumbled, and I murmured all right already all right. 

Father, forgive me.