This must be where Monte Python got their start

King Ahab of Israel and King Jehoshaphat of Judah, dressed in their royal robes, were sitting on thrones at the threshing floor near the gate of Samaria. All of Ahab"s prophets were prophesying there in front of them. One of them, Zedekiah son of Kenaanah, made some iron horns and proclaimed, “This is what the Lord says: With these horns you will gore the Arameans to death!”?

All the other prophets agreed. “Yes,”? they said, “go up to Ramoth-gilead and be victorious, for the Lord will give the king victory!”?

Meanwhile, the messenger who went to get Micaiah said to him, “Look, all the prophets are promising victory for the king. Be sure that you agree with them and promise success.”?

But Micaiah replied, “As surely as the Lord lives, I will say only what my God says.”?

When Micaiah arrived before the king, Ahab asked him, “Micaiah, should we go to war against Ramoth-gilead, or should I hold back?”?

Micaiah replied sarcastically, “Yes, go up and be victorious, for you will have victory over them!”?

But the king replied sharply, “How many times must I demand that you speak only the truth to me when you speak for the Lord?”?

Then Micaiah told him, “In a vision I saw all Israel scattered on the mountains, like sheep without a shepherd. And the Lord said, ”?Their master has been killed. Send them home in peace."”?

“Didn"t I tell you?”? the king of Israel exclaimed to Jehoshaphat. “He never prophesies anything but trouble for me.”?

Then Micaiah continued, “Listen to what the Lord says! I saw the Lord sitting on his throne with all the armies of heaven around him, on his right and on his left. And the Lord said, ”?Who can entice King Ahab of Israel to go into battle against Ramoth-gilead so he can be killed?"

“There were many suggestions, and finally a spirit approached the Lord and said, ”?I can do it!"

“”?How will you do this?" the Lord asked.

“And the spirit replied, ”?I will go out and inspire all of Ahab"s prophets to speak lies."

“”?You will succeed," said the Lord. ”?Go ahead and do it."

“So you see, the Lord has put a lying spirit in the mouths of your prophets. For the Lord has pronounced your doom.”?

Then Zedekiah son of Kenaanah walked up to Micaiah and slapped him across the face. “Since when did the Spirit of the Lord leave me to speak to you?”? he demanded.

And Micaiah replied, “You will find out soon enough when you are trying to hide in some secret room!”?

“Arrest him!”? the king of Israel ordered. “Take him back to Amon, the governor of the city, and to my son Joash. Give them this order from the king: ”?Put this man in prison, and feed him nothing but bread and water until I return safely from the battle!"”?

But Micaiah replied, “If you return safely, it will mean that the Lord has not spoken through me!”? Then he added to those standing around, “Everyone mark my words!”?

So King Ahab of Israel and King Jehoshaphat of Judah led their armies against Ramoth-gilead. The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “As we go into battle, I will disguise myself so no one will recognize me, but you wear your royal robes.”? So the king of Israel disguised himself, and they went into battle.

Meanwhile, the king of Aram had issued these orders to his chariot commanders: “Attack only the king of Israel! Don"t bother with anyone else.”? So when the Aramean chariot commanders saw Jehoshaphat in his royal robes, they went after him. “There is the king of Israel!”? they shouted. But Jehoshaphat called out, and the Lord saved him. God helped him by turning the attackers away from him. As soon as the chariot commanders realized he was not the king of Israel, they stopped chasing him.

An Aramean soldier, however, randomly shot an arrow at the Israelite troops and hit the king of Israel between the joints of his armor. “Turn the horses and get me out of here!”? Ahab groaned to the driver of the chariot. “I"m badly wounded!”?

The battle raged all that day, and the king of Israel propped himself up in his chariot facing the Arameans. In the evening, just as the sun was setting, he died.



Via.

Comments

  1. If Zedekiah had slapped Micaiah with a fish, it would look like a VeggieTales episode. Of course VeggieTales is rather Pythonesque.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thats funny I read this story just the other day. Good story though.

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