How Am I Doing?

...comes the question to me.

After the challenges of spring and my body failing on new levels I've never known before, "How am I Doing" is a question I am asked, and I ask myself.

Well, strength is building and I find that to be good news. Although its been new for me to discover that I cannot yet manage the stress levels that I used to manage. I assume that strength is returning there as well, I just need to be patient with it and give it time to return.

My body just isn't the same as it was oh say two years ago. I keep waiting for it to return, to bounce back. I keep watching for signs of that strength. But a part of me is getting, I dunno, afraid maybe, that it won't return like it was. That maybe this is the way its going to be. That I might require a shift in my thinking and my posture as an able bodied man.  It fears me that maybe my "Abled Body-ness" is behind me now.

So the official answer is that I am doing much better than I was, which is truth. Just not doing nearly so well as I once was, which is also truth.

But I have a good supportive and lovely wife, good doctors who have been able to keep me alive, a good counsellor who helps keep watch over my Spirit, a great church who is telling me not to rush it but to be patient, and a great God who is in it all, leading me and teaching me through it all.

So then, lots of good in it all.

The only bad would be coming from my impatience and my fear of a new normal way of being.

Good all around me, and struggles within. That may be one of the reasons these days are so challenging to me, I'm living too much in myself.