I can't sleep

My spirit is troubled tonight.  I Don't know why yet.

Can't sleep so I'm up, praying.

Praying

Like a deep sense of foreboding. Like the calm before the storm.

I don't know what it is.

I ask and wait in the stillness. Images flood my mind.

I pray through the images, looking for the one. But my spirit doesn't find release.

I almost feel like vomiting, it's so unnerving.

I wish I could phone some of you, make sure you are ok.

But I can't, so I keep praying.

 

I can't remember the last time I felt like this. It throws me.

So I go back to what I know, back to the One I know.

And I call out to him as I run to him.

He eases my fear. I have been heard.

Lord have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Lord have mercy on us.

This isn't rocket science boy

There are some schools of thought that say you should work on your professional weaknesses in order to strengthen them, to make you a better whatever. Then there is the school that says hey, just focus on your areas of strength and you will achieve a lot and enjoy it.

All I know is this, two weeks ago I was doing a lot of things. This and that meetings, administrative correspondence, planning worship, doing a sermon, visiting, mentoring, etc. etc. Stuff that had to get done.

It was a very long and tiring week. I dragged my butt into and out of Sunday and I barely made it.

Now last week I had to work on a sermon, and meet with some people. I didn't have to do some of the other things that are necessary, because others were doing them. The result was that I had time to pray and wait, listening for His leading. I was able to meet with people and those moments were very profitable. Those connections went deep quickly and I suspect that it was because I was ready for them.

Last night at a meeting I was doing a short study on leadership in the New Testament church. What I was reminded of again was how easy it is for leaders to start doing many important things. So much so that they slowly leave the things they should be doing.

You start doing many urgent things and you leave the important things. Prayer and the word. Prayer and the word. Prayer and the word.

It seems that when I spend time on those two things, then the other things that I do are so much deeper and truer. The visits are much more helpful. The solutions to the problems pop up easier. And my spirit is calmer, stilled if you will. Doing anything from that Christ centered stillness ends up being way better than running around trying to do it all.

This isn't rocket science boy.

May God save me from myself.

On why I still prefer to give cheap candies to Halloween kids.

Ding dong.

I open the door.

There before me stand two young teenage girls.

Extra makeup on their faces.

"What are you going as, hookers?" I want to ask.

But I don't.

The first girl holds open her candy bag, looking for a handout.

The second girl says "Huh what did you say? She's such a looser..."

I look at her hookerized face. She's talking on a CELLPHONE people!

She holds open her backpack and I, in amazement, toss in a Crispy Crunch, the most hated bar in the world.

New policy Implemented. If you have a cellphone you can talk on, you don't get candy. Period. (Or at the very worse, I'll give you one of those nasty chewy licorice flavored orange wax paper wrapped candy. So there.)

Nouwen on wealthy churches

"Like every human organization the Church is constantly in danger of corruption. As soon as power and wealth come to the Church, manipulation, exploitation, misuse of influence, and outright corruption are not far away.

How do we prevent corruption in the Church? The answer is clear: by focusing on the poor. The poor make the Church faithful to its vocation. When the Church is no longer a church for the poor, it loses its spiritual identity. It gets caught up in disagreements, jealousy, power games, and pettiness. Paul says, "God has composed the body so that greater dignity is given to the parts which were without it, and so that there may not be disagreements inside the body but each part may be equally concerned for all the others" (1 Corinthians 12:24-25). This is the true vision. The poor are given to the Church so that the Church as the body of Christ can be and remain a place of mutual concern, love, and peace."